Trust and Trains

Every day I cross a railroad track.  On most days I cross the track five times between going to work, come for lunch, and home from work.  I realized that I am so used to there being no train, that I do not even cast a glance to my right or left, I simply move forward.  I trust that I’m going to be ok.

I found this quite confounding because I am not naturally a trusting person.  I have discussed (with myself), in my journal, that I struggle with trusting God with every detail of my life. I often want to help him out by inserting my plans, resistance, and sometimes defiance into the picture.  I wrestle with a “can God handle this” attitude.

Yet I trust that a 50 ton train is not barreling down on me.  I recognized the contrast this week.  I trust that a train isn’t going to ram into me and likely kill me but I struggle with giving my Almighty my full trust.  I worry “can God handle all the details?”  When I say struggle it mainly manifest in worry.  Even thought Jesus is clear that we have no need to worry, it is an easy trap to fall in to. 

I worry about money. I worry about completing my dissertation. I worry about Joshlyn. I worry about Ray. I worry about traffic. I worry the dogs may get out.  Yet Jesus says that the birds do not even worry about their next meal because God provides exactly what they need, when they need it.

At first, after recognizing my illogical issue with trust, I would come to the train tracks and chastise myself for not having enough fair-not being good enough of a believer.  Now, my goal is to come to the tracks and take a split second to focus and remember to hand it all to God.  Let go of worry-make a conscious effort to relinquish my worry, my doubts, and my concerns.  Giving my thoughts to seeking God.  I find it much more delightful to seek a relationship with my Creator than worry about money!  The peace of mind, the feeling of love and acceptance is certainly worth it!