Student Affairs Staff Should Listen to Phil Robertson

I have been following the dialogue back and forth regarding what Phil Robertson did or did not say (although I have read the transcript) and ultimately I believe that as a Student Affairs practitioner, I have an obligation, as do ALL Student Affairs practitioners to respond positively and with respect to Phil Robertson.  Sadly I have witnessed my peers refer to this family as “hillbillies” and demean this family.  I question whether or not these individuals deserve the negative impact any more than Kim Kardashian deserves the negative impact of her exploits? Are these similar situations or are they different? Are these groups with agendas simply trying to get their agenda into the public’s eye long enough to make a difference? Here are the reasons why I believe we must, at the minimum, evaluate each individual’s agenda:

As a Student Affairs Practitioner, one of our guiding organization’s (NASPA) website indicates that the Diversity statement reads, “Exploring and learning about diversity, inclusion, and equity has become an increased focus in many sectors of our global community. Within the field of higher education, there are several central agreements regarding the importance of diversity a) Diversity, b) Learning, c) Integrity, d) Service, e) Fellowship,  f) Spirit of Inquiry, g) Collaboration h) Access

Diversity is not new. While the words used to describe diversity may vary over time and between individuals, the concepts do not. These concepts include being aware of personal bias, valuing the differences in human interaction, fostering inclusiveness, and many more. In the student affairs field learning and encouraging these concepts has become increasingly important.

In this situation, I must do the following:

I need to be aware of personal bias:  I have a tendency to not recognize “local” needs inclusion as much or as easily as I can recognize external or distant needs.  It seems to be easier for us to recognize the need for inclusion when I am dealing with someone from India for example than someone from West Monroe, Louisiana.  However, I need to remind myself that this is the exact same.  Although I do not necessarily think about eating squirrel brains like Miss Kay does, I must respect that it is a part of the diet of the Robertson family just as lamb may be a part of the diet of a Moroccan family.  I have to step away from the situation and recognize my personal bias.

I have to spend time valuing the differences in human interaction.  Although I do not spend time hunting, and fishing nor do I spend much time being in nature-these things are a big part of the Robertson’s life and quite frankly they are a major part of my partner, Ray’s life.  Ray values these things and enjoys them a great deal.  I respect his priorities and make time for him to be able to exercise his hobbies.  I value this difference and have come to really treasure making this a priority for Ray.

It is essential that we make a point to be “living the commitment.”

While Phil Robertson is not from an exotic land with a foreign pedigree that will win us points for embracing some big deal, it is imperative that we stand with our commitment to explore all perspective and all our differences to shape us even when that means those close to home, those who may be “hillbillies” and who may even be “our own” remind us that even the most similar can teach us difference. 

God & People

“I’m ok with this”

She made half the sign of the cross—the horizontal part

“But not this”

She made the other half—the vertical part

What she was telling me was that she wasn’t so sure about the whole God thing but she knew she was good with relationships.  “She” is my sorority sister.  I adore her, I talk to her all the time, and we have great conversations.  She’s graduating soon.  She is one of those rare students who have the bubbly exuberance of youthfulness yet that piercing insight that comes from wisdom.

I didn’t give it much thought at the time except to note it.  But it chattered at me.  The simple nature of it was actually so complex.  To be comfortable with relationship-to trust in the beauty of brothers and sisters was so foundational.  Yes, yes she was on to something.  Let me ruminate on this a bit. 

So it began to chatter at me. 

“I’m ok with this”

She made half the sign of the cross—the horizontal part

“But not this”……….

It made me think of a rough burlap tapestry…woven together with such different threads.  This one of rough earthen rope, this one of a burgundy hue, this one of navy.  Each contributing to the overall beauty while maintaining its uniqueness all the same.

Then I was reading Henri Nouwen’s Life of the Beloved.  There are two areas that Fr. Nouwen writes so beautifully that my sister’s words came flooding towards me like a tsunami of beauty that I realized what she was saying was absolutely the truth.  She was right, THIS is the way we were meant to be:  loving each other, being right with each other, doing the right thing for each other, and simply being there for each other no matter what.  She was getting it right. 

But there is something that undergirds us.  Something holds us together.  What makes love work?  Is there something bigger than love?  Where did love come from?  Where was love invented?  Whose notion was love?  Who seeded love? 

Nouwen, in discussing his belief that each of us is a chosen, beloved child of a loving God, writes, “you have to keep looking for people and places where your truth is spoken and where you are reminded of your deepest identity as the chosen one.  Yes, we must dare to opt consciously for our chosenness and not allow our emotions, feelings, or passions to seduce us into self-rejection.  The synagogues, the churches, the many communities of faith, the different support groups helping us with our addictions, family, friends, teachers, truth.  The limited, sometimes broken, love of those who share our humanity can often point us to the truth of who we are:  precious in God’s eyes.  This truth is not simply an inner truth that emerges from our center.  It is also a truth that is revealed to us by the One who has chosen us.  That is why we have to keep listening to the many men and women in history who, through their lives and their words, call us back to it.”

Finally, Nouwen says “you have to celebrate your chosenness constantly.  This means saying “thank you” to God for having chosen you, and “thank you” to all who remind you of your chosenness.”

As I think about this-I have to think that she and I really meet in the middle.  It takes both. While I may be more “ok” with God than I am His people and she is more “ok” with people that God we are both on a journey helping each other, shining a light for each other, and making our way together.  Being chosen, in whatever way we are, makes the world better for both of us and I’m glad she is a part of my world!

What Am I Here For?

I've been wrestling with purpose for awhile now and by awhile I mean a number of years.  I've gotten to the point where I'm getting out of my head and on paper.

Let me be CLEAR.  This in NO WAY requires a job change.  If you wonder about that, read Allison Vesterfelt's e-book called "The Chase."  Some GREAT work there.  What Allison helped me realize is that it is totally fine to LOVE my work and to use my work to stimulate my writing!  *whew*  

Now that we have that out of the way-I'm not quitting my job.  Here we go:

I am called to be a writer

I am called to communicate in a way in which helps others connects with the struggle to matter and to usher those feelings forward in a manageable cadence.

I am called to help others anchor the unknown to the known of self and God.

The Church Journey-For Now

Going to Church:  I Should Versus I Desire

Three friends from college maintained a solid relationship through the twenty some-odd years since college—ushering us into 2013.  The three friends are all upper middle-class working folks who seem to be checking off the right boxes for the American dream: 

ü  married,

ü  children,

ü  civically engaged,

ü  active church members,

ü  active in their children’s lives

Switching gears for a moment:

I have been thinking about attending church for  years.  I mean YEARS—really since I was at Baylor (1997).  There was a time when someone at Baylor said “you need to get your name on a Baptist church roster.” So I did.  And I went to church for a good while.  It was ok. 

But what I really enjoyed was a small group (about 6 of us) we had at a friend’s house where we read the book Blue Like Jazz together. Now that kept me engaged—it was fun, it was stimulating, it was meaningful, it was authentic, it was a blessing, and it made me closer to Christ.

Anyway, for probably about 20 years now someone in my life has been saying “go to church.” But not much within has urged me to make it a regular practice. In the past year though, I have really questioned myself about whether or not I needed to attend church.  I mean honestly here is my argument:

·         I have experienced substantial spiritual growth over the past two years (more growth than in the last 10 years combined) on my own (well, in conversation/relationship with Ray) through reading the Bible, study of spiritual growth-oriented text, writing, inquiry, and in conversation with my friends, coworkers

·         I keep a daily time where I read the Bible, read a supplemental text, journal, reflect, and pray

·         I talk to friends, family, and others about my spiritual journey

·         I work daily to live a life of love to reflect Jesus in everything I do

I recently listened to the Purpose Drive Life by Rick Warren.  Mr. Warren said I need to be in church.  He said I need to be in church because:

·         That’s where I get spiritually fed

·         That’s where I encounter people who are imperfect and need me to demonstrate that I can love them

To me Mr. Warren’s argument isn’t strong enough to get me to commit to attend a church. 

Now-back to where we began—these three friends were all active in their churches for the 20 years since college.  Let’s call the friends Tammy, Sammy, and Cammy.  Tammy and Sammy were literally bestest, bestest friends.  But through the years they were still close friends with Cammy too.  One day though Cammy was helping Sammy get some work done for Tammy and Sammy noted some confusion.  Cammy explained to Sammy that at times Tammy’s leadership style would change and you simply had to adjust to it and move on.

Sammy though made that next move where we have a choice of whether or not to move…..Sammy told Tammy what Cammy said.  Now Tammy was mad at Cammy.  Tammy blew up and told Sammy never to interact with Cammy again, never to rely on Cammy as a resource again and to distance herself from Cammy.

So Sammy has.  The only problem is that Sammy needs Cammy.  Cammy has incredible resources that Sammy could use to be successful.  But now Cammy has taken her cue and said no ma’am, I’m out of this.

Now-Tammy and Sammy are big leaders in the church. They lead the Ladies Group for the entire church and are known as pillars for the entire church which is a leader in the town.

So Mr. Warren is right in the aspect that at the church I would certainly encounter others who are imperfect and need to have the love of Christ demonstrated towards them. 

But then again, these are individuals who are “noble” LEADERS in both their jobs, their towns, and their church.  They have an air of righteousness and are not open to have others speak the truth in love to them.

So-what happens to Mr. Warren’s argument though if I work with Tammy, Sammy, and Cammy?  Don’t I still have the same opportunity to love the imperfect persons?  Might I have an opening to speak the truth in love by asking about modeling Jesus’ love if I have the opportunity related to their strained relationship?  Might I have an opportunity such as “Sammy, you are not going to lunch with Cammy like you used to, what is going on?” which may lead to a worthy conversation? 

Now my own human spirit is a bit disheartened by Sammy.  I had really hoped Sammy was above that behavior.  I literally said out loud today:  has Sammy NOT heard a thing in church over the last 20 years?  Has Sammy MISSED the point for 20 years?  What is wrong with Sammy?

Ray said to me “duh-it is all for show you know!”  Deep sigh.  I had hoped that there was some authenticity in there but I think Ray is right (which is usually the case). It is more about checking the boxes than living authentically. 

Honestly, I’ll take the small Blue Like Jazz group over church then.  There is a quote that says the more I get to know people, the more I like my dog.  I kind of have to agree.  The more I get to know some people that are church “leaders” the less I am inclined to lend myself to a church body.  Why would I give myself to Tammy and Sammy’s organization?  Why would I go be vulnerable, authentic, engaged, real for them when they are fake and inauthentic in reality?

I have to say that for me, for this season, I’ll take my current findings:

·         I will continue to keep a daily time to read the Bible, read a supplemental text, journal, reflect, and pray

·         I will continue to talk to friends, family, and others about my spiritual journey

·         I will work daily to live a life of love to reflect Jesus in everything I do

Amen for today

Short Breath Prayer for Today

I had to appreciate this breath prayer today from Lars Rood

God, would you help me understand that your timing is perfect and that I don’t need to always have the answers? Let me be okay with your “not yet.” Amen.

One

I remember Laurie Stone yelling at me on the playground. It was first grade and I was pouting.  She said “I can have more than one friend, Libby!”

You can?  I was perplexed? How?

My whole life had centered on the number one.

I was an only child. I had an only pet.

When I went home, my only playmate was my cousin, David.

How could Laurie, my best friend, have other friends-was there room for any others? How would we navigate such complexities as competing opinions, attitudes, beliefs, preferences, and choices?  And most importantly, how could I get my attention needs met if Laurie was focused on others? 

These perplexities continued to plague me until my freshman year of high school at which time I suffered a stunning blow-my best friend chose someone else and left me alone.  I stumbled along, looking for identity for a number of years.

Fortunately I learned that attention was not necessary and was not always a positive thing. I have also learned, through much trial, error, and study that external validation is temporary and self-esteem has to come from a higher source.

Yet, there are certain things about their number one that continue to thread through my life today.

To this day, I still have one main friend. My husband is my closest companion, my love, my best friend, my confidant, and my treasure.  I truly enjoy our shared time together and miss him each day when we are apart at our respective work environments.

I do have a circle of individuals whom I admire, enjoy, and cherish, but ultimately I realize that the number one has always been and remains to this day my special number.

One summer my friend Gary worked in my office.  Gary and I would laugh because we would make sure we made lunch plans by 10:00 a.m. each day no matter what-we knew where we would have lunch.  I always checked with Gary to verify lunch. Then at lunch time I was ready for Gary and I to head out when eight others would join in-Gary was the middle child of five and an extrovert!  Needless to say we always had great lunch crowds but not because of my efforts!

Of late I’ve spent time wondering if I am ok to have centered on the number one?  I look at my friends like Gary or my friend Dana who has friends scattered across Texas.  Or I look at my friend Shelly who meets with a group of her friends a few times per year for a ladies lunch.  I go home every day for lunch with my love!  We cherish getting to spend our lunch hours together each day!

What I’ve landed on about “is it ok?” is this:  Yep, it sure it because I feel complete and I do not feel a lacking in my life.  Were I to feel a loneliness or some sort of loss, then I would feel compelled to explore closer friendships, but I do feel that I have a fulfilled and significant life where I make an impact on others while allowing influence to be made on me.  While I have friends at varying closeness levels, I believe that I am transparent and real enough that my friends know my values and know how much I cherish them and Ray so if I need anything, they will be there for me.

Isolation

Does a leader recognize he or she is insulated (or dare I say isolated) or surrounded by gatekeepers?  I have been in situations where all those surrounding the leader are gatekeepers who do not provide the leader with an accurate view of reality.  When, as a leader, do you begin to believe that you do not need to keep access to those who will “speak the truth in love?”  Or when do you think “oh, these five/six people are giving me ALL the information I need?!”

At what point does your ego take such precedent that you honestly believe that those reporting to you always give you the untainted truth?  Is it when your power gets so great that people have too much to lose if you are disappointed, angered, or upset?

I remember as a new parent making a pledge to myself to not be concerned about the little things because if you freak out about the little things, you’ll never learn the big things.  Is that an applicable line of thinking for a leader as well?

I would rather have individuals who will tell me the truth so I’m not blindsided by something that has been bubbling rather than a bunch of “yes” men who have created lives based on a make-believe world!