My Authenticity Efforts

Whenever I write a blog, I feel like I’m giving you some of myself yet when I think about it, I have given you more of a sterile business address.  I long to write like Tina Osterhouse or Emily P. Freeman but I’ve been hesitant. 

For those who know, the lyrics from the Dixie Chicks song, I'm Not Ready To Make Nice  have a special meaning to me.  I have a sharp wit and cutting humor in me and a number of years ago (2006) I wrote a blog revealing that wit and humor about stuff I shouldn’t have written about.  An individual took my blog and sent a copy to God and everyone at my workplace.  Thus, since that time I’ve held back, used a fine sieve to craft my entries.

I feel like I haven’t been as authentic as I have wanted to be and that has caused me to reconsider my writing efforts.  I’ve gone through multiple stages such as the, “but what do I have to say that anyone would find interesting” to the, “oh just forget it” but the ideas still push against me and demand to be addressed.

So, I’m going to strive to be more authentic, to use a sieve with larger pores.  I want to share my true insights, thoughts, and ideas so that others might identify and benefit from the path I’ve walked.

There is a quote that says “learn from the mistakes of others…you don’t have time to make them all yourself.”  I like that a great deal.  I try to be a reflective person and learning is a constant goal for me.  Yet, I go have to think about “what will this look like plastered across my boss’ computer screen” or Facebook, or CNN!  You never know, I could go national!

Thus will thoughtful, positive, hopeful caution, I move forward to a new level of blogging. I want to share my journey, my struggles, and my celebrations.

My blogging schedule is to blog once per week and I have made myself a tracker to keep me on target.  I found the tracker Here  and it has proven so very beneficial for over several months in 2016!

I have chosen my One Little Word for 2017 and it is:  Connect.

So my pledge to you is that in 2017 we shall connect on a higher level.  You will find a more open (My One Little Word for 2016), relational, and empathetic blogger in me. 

I am looking forward to our journey.

I recently read Lee Hull Moses’ book, More Than Enough.  You can find the book here:

Buy the book here

I enjoyed the book a great deal.  While the reading was easy, casual almost, the concepts and challenges were profound.

Ms. Moses tackles ideas about child rearing, spending, food sources, gratitude, poverty, calling, and more.  I found myself at the end of the book quickly and wanting to discuss the insights I’d drawn from the reading.

One quick thought though is this:  Jesus was an advocate for the poor.  We know this.  Jesus was a champion of the disenfranchised.  Certainly documented.  Jesus believed in people and gave them hope.  Certainly.

But what Jesus did not do is abolish poverty itself.  Jesus did not eliminate systemic disenfranchisement triggers.  Jesus worked for the poor and the disenfranchised within the system he had…or that we had…

So one thing that had never dawned on me was that God could, if he wanted, with him being Omni Powerful and all, could totally abolish, eliminate poverty.

But he has allowed it to continue……..since ancient times.  He urged us to care for the poor, to bring in the widows and the children.  To provide for them.

 

So I’m thinking.  A lot.  About this.  In a democratic but modified free-market society, what is my role as a tax payer, and as a Christian? 

Do I march and rally to provide more to the SNAP program?  Do I spend more time with the widows or the disenfranchised/marginalized?

I don’t know yet.  I just am asking at this point.  And what does all this mean in light of a new President heading into office in January?  How will our environment change?  What will the most immediate, the intermediate, and the long-term needs be? 

I wonder if God hasn’t basically challenged us, as intelligent life, to find a solution for these systemic problems?  Maybe God has said “the world is complex, let me have these beautiful, intelligent being that I’ve created, solve this problem?”

Am I working on the complex problems as God’s beautiful created being?  Am I doing my part?  Am I being my best self and working on ways to help others be their best selves?

I challenge myself these days on these areas…..

More is needed.  Whom shall I send said the Lord?  Whom shall I send?  Will it be me Lord?  

Living After, In and For

I tend not to be someone who wallows in misery much.  I actually just wrote a passage for another project where I noted that I like the song by Alyssa Bonagura entitled, I Make My Own Sunshine.  So, when people took to the streets or spent days crying over our recent Presidential election, I was baffled.  I’m not trying to be insensitive, but people, come on, staying home to cry?  

I mean I didn’t vote for the guy either but if I learned correctly, there are checks and balances in our government and last I checked, we had term limits.  Admittedly, I do not sink too deeply into politics but surely if those things had changed I’d have noticed.

I recently read a blog by Deidra Riggs which inspired me to think about the “living after, in, and for.”  Ms. Riggs wrote a beautiful blog which can be accessed here:  Deidra Riggs' Blog

Living After:  So, now that it is after the election………so?  The United States has a new Commander and Chief who will take office around January 20, 2017.  What does that mean for me?  I do not know yet.  I need to wait and see.  I am not going to run out into the street in lament because nothing is certain.  

I have been involved in plenty of crisis situations in 26 years of university life and I’ve found that when things are getting tense and unknown, the best thing is to no add to the tension and to seek information.

Running into the street in protest could get you plowed over so I’ll stay on solid ground.  I am not going to wail and lament because what good will that do?  

What positive contribution does that make?

To seek information will take time-probably a couple of years before we know for sure about certain things.  So why make my life and the lives of those around me tenser by adding to the negativity?

Another thing I’m going to do is rely on my faith.  I did see a little meme on social media that is quite profound despite its overuse:  Regardless of who is President, Jesus is still King.  I like that.  While I admit it was overused and is cliché’ it makes a solid point.  Remember who it is that you worship and why.

Living In:  In some ways I have already addressed this.  I’m going to be positive and I am going to contribute to the greater good, and I am going to withhold judgment.  I have worked pretty hard to be positive and objective throughout this election cycle.  Many of my friends had no idea which “team” I was even on.  Ironically two individuals both made an assumption that I agreed with them and would be voting accordingly.  Both were wrong! 

I’m going to continue going to church and do my best to be a good person and active, engaged citizen.  As I live in this time, I am going to pray for our nation and other nations as well.  Let’s be frank, we can all use Divine intervention in any way we can get it.  Shit is real out there in the real world and you just have to do the best you can.

Living For:  I have learned that it is during some of the hardest times that I really come to know my non-negotiable values.  I learn what I will and will not budge on and how true I’ll stay to my word when times are really tough.  So, what am I going to live for during these next four years?  I’m going to live for God, civility, and growth.

For me, God, the Divine, Spirit is my foundation.  I rely on my faith to get me through and to inspire me to new heights.  I’m going to continue seeking wisdom and enlightenment in all that I do.

I’m going seek civility.  Being civil costs me nothing and I will continue to spread kindness and love as best I can.

I’m going to seek growth.  I’m going to learn more about decision and how I might best serve others as I go into this new Presidency.  I’ll strive to not just ignore the happenings (as I have in the past) but work to learn bi-partisan concerns for major issues and educate others for the greater good.

Alyssa Bonagura – I Make My Own Sunshine Lyrics

Everything is wonderful
Everything is great
Free as a bird singing outside my window pane
Got a fresh new start
It's a brand new day
And I got lots of love to give away

It don't matter if it's raining
Nothing can phase me
I make my own sunshine
And if you think you can break me
Baby you're crazy
I make my own sunshine

Hey, let's make a rainbow
Look for the pot o' gold
I'll show you how to keep it nice and easy
Even if a cloud starts forming on my lovely day
There's nothing, no nothing, that could stand in my way

It don't matter if it's raining
Nothing can phase me
I make my own sunshine
And if you think you can break me
Baby you're crazy
I make my own sunshine

Life: Be

Chasing The Years of My Life

If you are a big Bruno Mars fan and want to hear lots of Bruno’s music, the secret is to make an Adele Station on Pandora.  You will not be bothered with Adele songs but instead will hear LOTS of Bruno Mars.  But, I digress.

Every so often the Non-Adele, Adele Station will play a song by Five for Fighting called 100 Years.  The song goes like this (thanks to Play.google.com)

I'm 15 for a moment
Caught in between 10 and 20
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are

I'm 22 for a moment
And she feels better than ever
And we're on fire
Making our way back from Mars

15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to lose
15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got a hundred years to live

I'm 33 for a moment
Still the man, but you see I'm a "they"
A kid on the way, babe.
A family on my mind

I'm 45 for a moment
The sea is high
And I'm heading into a crisis
Chasing the years of my life

15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to lose yourself
Within a morning star

15 I'm all right with you
15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got a hundred years to live

Half time goes by
Suddenly you’re wise
Another blink of an eye
67 is gone
The sun is getting high
We're moving on...

I'm 99 for a moment
And dying for just another moment
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are

15 there's still time for you
22 I feel her too
33 you’re on your way
Every day's a new day...

15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to choose
Hey 15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got a hundred years to live

Each time I hear the song, the part that sticks with me to be mulled over and over is: 

I'm 45 for a moment

The sea is high

And I'm heading into a crisis

Chasing the years of my life

Oh how often I feel like I’m chasing the years of my life.  So often I feel like the years have actually gotten up and taken off without me.  While that’s a good thing in some ways, I perpetually feel like I’m a “late bloomer” regarding wisdom and maturity.

Chasing the years of my life.  I often feel like “how the heck does the birthday number say what it says?  I still feel 22!”  Yet, my body is definitely telling me the birthday number is accurate!

Chasing the years of my life.  I’m not where I thought I’d be at this age.  I’m learning to actually celebrate this!  I am exactly where I’m meant to be and I am thankful for this!

Chasing the years of my life.  Maybe I have a forever youthful outlook and I believe that has served me well.

Chasing the years of my life.  I believe this forever youthful outlook will serve me well until 100!

Patience vs. Endurance

                I journal pretty much every day.  One of the things I did recently was consider how the years at my current work had taught me different things. 

                I noted that I had developed patience.  Upon considering it longer, I’m not sure I actually learned patience as much as I endured the environment.

                I began to explore the difference between patience and endurance.  Here is what I’ve learned.  Patience (or longsuffering from the Bible) is more of a reaction.  The opposite of anger.  It is more of a short-term experience such as self-restraint.

                Endurance is more of a long-term response of not surrendering.  Endurance is associated with hope.  In reflection, I definitely believe I have endured more than developed patience.

                I still have the sense of urgency about me when a committee decision has been made but someone continues to belabor points.  I want to say “enough talk, let’s see some action!”

                I wanted to look more deeply into endurance versus patience but have not, thus far, found a great deal with the exception of looking at endurance athletes. 

                One article noted that three things helped endurance athletes:  consistency, progression, and you got it, patience!  Thus another confirmation that patience is a sub-component of endurance!

                So what does this mean for me?  It helps me recognize that over the last 10 years, I may not have lost my way as much as I have thought; rather I was in a survival mode due to having to endure the environment that was less than supportive of thriving and I do have contributions to still make from my giftedness.

                In my newest role, I am feeling the rekindling of excitement about my work.  I haven’t been excited about my work in probably 6 years.  Yes you read that right, 6 years.  For the past years I’ve been in survival mode.  I am learning that the mind, like the body, changes when subjected to long term stress.  The things I thought had changed in me (passion, calling and so forth) hadn’t changed, they just had to go dormant in order to endure.

                I’m cautiously optimistic for the future.  Let’s face it, I’m older and jaded now so thus the cautious part!

                I would love to hear some of your endurance versus patience thoughts!  Feel free to leave a comment below:

Losing Leadership

One of my biggest worries about moving from residence life/housing has been that I’ll “forget” how to lead.  I know it sounds silly but I was worried that I would forget how to have that “edge” or what it is like to think about leading over 100 people.

                Four years into my exile I realized something.  Maybe the whole point is that I forget.  Maybe I am supposed to forget and start anew.

                Could it be?  I mean I spent so much time watching my former boss (at Baylor) change the culture of a department, speak into people’s lives, and receive every benefit one could think of in the organization.  I considered that my role model.  I learned a great deal.

                So could it be that I was supposed to move away from that?  After I’d worked so hard at emulation!  So it was with a big sigh (was that relief?) that I decided to stop worrying about forgetting.  I decided that it was just fine to forget.  As a matter of fact I should forget!

                And start anew!  A different paradigm.  I admit that a lot has changed for me in the last four years.  I have spent three years now in a new church with a new pastor shaping my spirituality and values.  I have spent the last four years serving under four leaders who represent a vast spectrum of leadership abilities and styles.  And, I have spent a great deal of time learning about myself.

                I thought I knew myself well, but I had no idea!  So how will I be different in the future?  I am not sure.  I know that many years ago, I said that I wanted to serve as a Vice President so I could “help shape the plans and strategies for a division of student life.”

                I no longer desire to be a Vice President.  Too political.  However, in my new role back in the Division of Student Life, guess what I’m doing?  I am eagerly spending my time helping shape the plans and strategies of the departments within student life.  I am loving what I’m doing right now.  I am having fun and getting to live my values.

               

And it is good.  Was I a leader back then?  I suppose I was, but I do not think I was the best leader I could be.  Am I a leader now? I suppose I am, in a different way.  Fewer people, but more influence.

                I’m reading a book right now entitled, Essentialism, The Disciplined Pursuit of Less, by Greg McKeown.  The mantra for the book just happens to be “less, but better.”  Seems pretty timely to me!

                I am thankful for the last four years of “hard labor” because a new leadership within me has been formed.  I am enjoying myself each day and liking me is a major accomplishment.  For that, I am so thankful.  For what my former Baylor leader taught me, I am thankful and for what I am teaching myself I know, it will be priceless.  I will use this giftedness to its highest and best use!

A Life of Downward Mobility

2015 was a tough year for us.  Financially we struggled terribly.  While we are still putting our feet back under us, we are doing so in a new form—not simply reassembling what was already entrenched.

Going through a year as difficult as 2015 was, my husband and I had the opportunity to clarify our values.  When you lose so much, you then get to choose the place of value that entity held.  For example we let go of our XM Radio subscription.  Sure I have missed it at points but for someone who lives seven tenths of a mile from work, the commute is not impacted much!  Most days now I do not even have music on, I use that moment to pray or prepare myself for my day.

My husband and I also went without cable and internet for the year.  What we learned was that we were being negatively influenced by the evening drama shows known as news and we no longer valued the learning potential.  We modified our intake drastically and have learned to absorb with a stronger, value-laden filter.

For a little while I wondered “why” but fairly quickly I learned to appreciate the lessons God was teaching us.  I read a statement recently by Richard Rohr and he posed the question, “Surely God didn’t call only His Son to downward mobility?”

As we continue to walk out of the shadow of 2015, we do so with a perspective of downward mobility.  My husband and I will not re-subscribe to XM.  As a matter of fact we’re enjoying actual conversations with each other daily and on long trips.  We, I’m enjoying the conversations, and I think he endures them!

We are learning to truly, TRULY trust God for our daily bread and move in the direction of flexibility which will allow us to be more responsive to God’s will.

2015 was tough.  2016 has been better but we are clinging to the lessons we learned and believe we are doing the right thing to consider a life of downward mobility.

Pouring Into Your Giftedness

Yesterday I met with about 250 new first-year students and presented them with the Strengths Philosophy.  I told them that this coming year was going to challenge their fundamental assumptions and push them beyond what they could believe.

I also challenged the students to find something that makes their heart sing and get involved in it.  No matter what the club/sport/organization is, whether it be the Bass Fishing Club, a running group (what are these people thinking?), or a Greek organization.

I said that to be successful in college, they were going to have to pour everything they had into their academic work and so there needed to be one thing in their life that poured back into them.

I think about what work has drained me over the years and what work has energized me.  As you might expect, when I am working in an area of strength, I feel energized.  Time flies and before you know it, the task is achieved.  When I’m working outside my strengths, it is a drudgery.  Time creeps and it feels like there will never be progress made.

It struck me that when Jesus was talking to the woman at the well in John 4:34, Jesus said that his nourishment comes from doing the will of God.  Thus, Jesus is filled by doing what he is called to do and what he is gifted to do.

I believe pouring into our strengths that have been given by God nourishes us.  Here Jesus makes it clear, provides the example.  When we are in the will of God, our soul is nourished.  We are filled.  We are not lacking.

How do we pour into our unique gifts?

1.       Prayer-we must seek a relationship with the real and living God.  Forget about the “thou” and “shalt” vocabulary.  Get real and tell God your heart.  Then rest and listen.  There are two sides to this coin, the talking towards/at God and the talk coming from God to us.  In order to “hear” or rather discern God’s “talk,” we must be still, stop our distractions, and sit with our soul.

2.       Connect-I have found growth in my community of believers.  I resisted being a part of a church for a long time.  I knew the reputation the church has and I simply wasn’t interested in being a part of the politics, the gossip, the judgment.  But what I found was a completely different group!  I plugged in and began to find relationships and fellowship.  I have been able to stretch my wings and begin to use my gifts in fresh, new ways.

3.       Develop yourself- I grow through the written word..whether it is the Bible or a book on spiritual development.  Others may listen to podcasts or sermons, or and audio book.  Still others may attend an online workshop or a seminar in person.  Whatever your preference, open yourself to development.

4.       Output-you need to exercise your strengths in service to others.  I don’t care how you do it, but talk to your faith-group leadership about ways to plug in and exercise who you were created to be.

These four steps will help you grow and expand your gifts, your strengths.  You will find blessings beyond what you can imagine.  I believe in the power of the strengths you have been gifted with.  I believe in the power of God.  With those two things, how can you do anything wrong!

Showing Up to Creativity

It’s ironic to me that I have read Julia Cameron’s The Artist Way, do my Morning Pages faithfully and even bought additional Cameron books on writing yet I still believed I could muscle my way through without adhering to a regular practice of just showing up regularly to write.

Of course, in my all or nothing mind, I thought it necessary to write daily.  When I couldn’t get to writing daily, I found that weeks would slip by and I had written nothing except my daily journal pages.  So, instead of doing the same thing but expecting different results, I am making a change in my world.

I will now expect myself to write on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays.  I will focus on a paragraph for the blog each appointment and then work on a larger-scaled project.  Hopefully this will allow me to show up for creativity, forming a routine writing practice, but not fall prey to the all or nothing mentality.

So far, here are the things I’m learning about myself and writing:

1.       Once I force myself to put ink to paper (yes, that’s correct, I still hand

write everything) the words flow more easily and even when I do struggle, at least I’ve got a draft on the page and everyone knows it is easier to edit than go from a blank space.

2.       Stop doing the same things but expecting different results.  Thank you Dr. Albert Einstein for defining insanity for us!  For too long now I have continued to behave in the exact same way but expected different results.  So, I guess I thought that not spending time writing would somehow result in written material.  Go figure.  I’m a little slow on the uptake.

3.       Do not fall prey to all or nothing thinking.  Something is better than nothing. I am trying to transfer this thinking to other areas of my life also such as diet/exercise/health! 

Driving on Purpose

Back on Thursday, May 5, 2016, I wrote a blog about my One Little Word® “open.”  

You can read that blog here: About Open

Today I want to ruminate on the intersection of calling (or your purpose) and open.  I have always thought that one’s purpose or calling was a fixed “thing” that was hidden and had to be “found.”

Maybe I am altering my view because of my own life’s journey but maybe referring to calling as something to be “found” or impressing upon young people that their purpose is “out there” is simply an incorrect concept.

What if purpose or calling is actually more like the road we are traveling than a fixed entity along the road?  

What if we do not stop at a structure and announce we have “found” our calling but rather we embrace calling as the drive itself?  

What if calling is the winding, uphill, downhill, road where sometimes we are caught in bumper-to-bumper traffic and sometimes we are out for a backroads drive on an old country lane?

What if we came to embrace the drive as our purpose and did not get too concerned when we are in bumper-to-bumper traffic because we know that sometime in the future we will have an opportunity to meander along the lane in no rush?

What if our purpose if simply different at different points in our life but we know that what is right is right now?

And if we could just relax a bit and roll down the windows of life and let the cool breeze drift through the car as we wave to our neighbors along the road?

Wouldn’t that be so much more wonderful?  I know I would have been so much more relaxed if someone had told me to not worry about the “structure” and just embrace the ride.

Of course we each have unique giftedness and I believe are called to strive for achieving our best but what if we all just agreed to do our best and enjoy the ride?  

No need to worry about the passengers in the other cars or that one car just sped by, the probably had a need that was pressing and hadn’t figured out yet to enjoy the drive.

I think I will make a much better driver thinking along these lines and not being too bunched up about arriving somewhere.  I hope you will too.

Summer 2016

Each June brings me an interesting change of pace.  Working in higher education means that so many people assume I get summers off. 

Since beginning college, I have not gotten summers off!  Actually my last summer off was Summer of 1983.  That was the summer before my Senior year of high school.

These days, as have been the case for a number of years, I have a dual role for summer days.  The first role is to wind down the previous academic year.  The second role, but not secondary, is to prepare for the upcoming academic year.

The winding down role consist of helping individuals reflect on their own academic years and collect Annual Reports.

The gearing up role consist of getting calendars together, preparing for planning, meetings, and scheduling the new year while we prepare a new group of incoming students to charge forth and take their place on the American landscape.

In years past, I have not given a great deal of thought to the summer months as I have been too busy to notice the months’ swift passing.  This year I have noticed with a unique perspective that summer blazed upon us (literally and figuratively) within what seems like moments we went from a moderate temperature to almost 100 degrees. 

It is going to be a long, very hot summer.  So I want to consider what I am inviting into my life this June.  I recently watched Jon Acuff (http://acuff.me/) on a little free webinar and was quite impressed with his vision and insights.

I subscribed to Acuff’s blog and this summer he has issued a “1500 Minute Challenge” where each day for 15 minutes you work on a specific skill.  This selected skill is one you wish to improve upon and Acuff notes that it holds reasonably likely that after practicing this skill for 1500 minutes, you will have improved.

Then I read Emily P. Freeman’s blog (http://emilypfreeman.com/blog/) about June and loved her quote, “We’ll see how this June wants to play.”

I love the picture this gives me of June being separate from me, just something to be experienced but not kept.

Ali Edwards (http://aliedwards.com/blog) often writes about what you invite into your life.  Thus I wanted to think about what I’m inviting into my life this summer. 

So far this year I have been working on openness and I will continue to cultivate that.  But I want to spend this summer at a little slower pace than I have experienced previous summers.

I want to spend slower evenings and lingering weekends.  I want to saturate myself in love and laughter and let Summer 2016 lazily stroll through like a parade instead of a turbo rocket.

Here’s to you Summer ’16, may you be sweet.

Being a Strong Woman

A friend recently began dating an individual I would describe as a strong woman.  That description has also been used to describe me as well so it made me think about strong women. 

For a very long time, women who have particular giftedness such as leadership have had to play down their gifts because being strong created the “aggressive” label (or worse).

I did the same thing.  I have tried to downplay my natural inclinations my whole life.  I have bitten my tongue, failed to offer opinions, and simply sat still while action was called for……yet there have also been times when I couldn’t keep my mouth shut, couldn’t help myself from speaking, and someone had to get started so why not me.

I have often heard things like “intimidating.”  What?  I’m the biggest marshmallow!  How can someone think I’m intimidating.

I guess my natural inclinations have likely spilled out more than my reservations.  Thus the strong woman reference.

Recently I was giving thought to strong women such as Trudie Styler (actress and director and wife of Sting) and Ali Hewson (activist and wife of Bono).  These women have made an impact on this world, have used their giftedness for a greater good, and have developed and maintained their own identity all the while having a strong man as a partner.

My husband has always said that it takes a very secure and strong man to handle a strong woman.  I affirm that 100%

I have been thinking about what being a strong woman is and what it takes to be in relationship with one.

First, I recently listened to John Ortberg discuss giftedness and he affirmed a perspective that if a woman is called to lead, then LEAD.  Don’t downplay your gift.  You can see his amazing 19 minute message here: Ortber on Leadership

Identity Development

I believe that strong women have to go through major identity development.  Having grown up in the Bible Belt where there is a church on every corner, I was brought up to believe the man should lead and the woman should be subservient. I was taught that a “good” woman yields to men, is supportive instead of a leader, and needs affirmation from others to be the best she can be.

That just never sat well with me.  It actually makes me bristle.

As I have grown into a comfort within my own skin, I have come to accept, even welcome, my strong edge.  I’m getting too old to downplay my ideas and abilities.  But this perspective has come at a high price.  I have plenty of scars to tell the war stories of how I spent time crying over being who I am and wishing I’d been created differently. 

·         Why oh why couldn’t I have kept my mouth shut?

·         Why couldn’t I have just not taken that initiative?

·         Why couldn’t I have not shared those ideas which threatened my male leadership?

Yep, been there, done that, gone lots of tshirts!  Oh so many tshirts.

It is only through my amazing relationship with my STRONG husband, watching my mentors, and lots of prayer that I am where I am with myself today.

Today I can more easily walk away from someone who might not be comfortable with my style as opposed to staying around and trying to change myself.

Today I will more than likely offer my thoughts and folks can take them or leave them.  It does not impact my self-esteem to have external affirmations like it once did.  Once it was essential.  Today it is always nice to be complimented but it no longer shapes my identity.

On Being Companion to a Strong Woman:

Being Secure with Yourself

To be with a strong woman, a partner has to be secure with their own leadership and their own identity. 

There comes a point in every person’s identity and leadership development when he or she has to decide whether or not someone is a threat or an asset. 

If an individual gets “stuck” in feeling like others are threats, it can lead to a miserable existence.

It is much more enjoyable in life to value other people and see their gifts as a resource and asset.  Let’s make great things together!

When in a relationship with a strong woman, it is absolutely essential to be secure enough in self and leadership that the strong woman’s initiatives, ideas, and ruminations are not threatening to the partner.

Allowing Her Freedom

It is essential in a relationship with a strong woman that her partner allow opportunity for her to utilize her strengths and giftedness but to also be vulnerable. 

There are times when the strong woman needs to fall apart.  She’ll put herself back together but she needs space and understanding to wallow for a while in her issue without judgment and without constraints.

A strong partner knows how to provide that unique challenge and support environment where the strong woman is allowed to wallow, to ruminate, to marinate even…..because eventually she will pull herself together and emerge stronger than ever.

Partners must allow the flow back and forth between strength and vulnerability.  That flow provides the security a strong woman needs in relationship in order to develop her best identity, grow her gifts, and be the best she can be.

Defining Resilience

Likely you have heard the phrase, when life gives you lemons, make lemonade.  This statement was the beginning of a paper I wrote during my doctoral work.  The professor noted that typically she did not approve of using a colloquialism in formal writing but in this case, it worked because I went on to write that this informal phrase was a way to express the definition of resilience.  Formally, resilience is,

A dynamic process encompassing positive adaptation within the context of significant adversity.   Implicit within this notion are two critical conditions:  1) Exposure to significant threat or severe adversity; and 2) The achievement of positive adaptation despite major assaults on the developmental process (Luthar, 2000).

Masten (2001), defined resilience as referring to “a class of phenomena characterized by good outcomes in spite of serious threats to adaptation or development.” 

Reivich (2002) proposed resilience as “the basic strength, underpinning all the positive characteristics in a person’s emotional psychological makeup.  It is the bedrock on which all else is built.”

I have come to realize that I am a very resilient individual.  While I have had multiple setbacks and challenges in my life, I put my energies into my education and my faith.  My education has only taken me so far, but my faith has undergirded everything, even my resilience by giving me hope for a future. 

The definitions above strips resilience down to the good and the bad.  The bad comes with exposure to negatives such as abuse, neglect, or trauma.  But the resilient individual continues progressing in spite of these negatives.

During my own life, I faced multiple setback and negatives.  Yet, I put my energies into paths or avenues which allowed me to continue to feel positive and move forward. Early on I realized that I was a stand-out in the classroom.  I remember now that during my doctoral ceremony the Provost said that less than 2% of individuals in the world obtained their doctoral degree.  I remembered that because it made me feel like I have accomplished something really unique.

While my education has taken me a long, long way and provided me with so many blessings, nothing can compare to the foundation upon which everything is built, my faith.  Faith provides the hope for everything:  for a better tomorrow or a better next year, or even just a stability for the moment.  While I did not grow up in a religious environment by any means, I did have snippets of exposure which allowed me to explore something bigger than myself.  To have a hinting that the world consisted of more than just the tangible here and now made a huge difference in my environment.  It gave me hope of a better future.

So resilience is defined as overcoming the negatives with good.  We see resilient individuals all the time and we see individuals who are not so resilient.  The funny thing is, I do not recall anyone teaching me resilience.  It seems to be something within me that might just be lined to my tenacity (translated:  stubbornness).

The benefits of resilience are a forward progression.  My daughter shared a story with me yesterday about a gentlemen who has designed some make-up.  He tells of how he was homeless and working in a retail store when he believed in his dreams of developing a line of makeup.  Now the brand is taking off and he has a beautiful home as well as luxuries many dream about.  His advice was to continue to believe in your dreams even through the hard times because dreams do come true.

Resilience has a purpose, it inspires home when struggles reign. Resilience provides a belief that something better and something greater is obtainable and within reach.  Resilience provides our future.

What makes a resilient person?  What chips away at natural resilience?

Writing Prompt:  Is there a time you can think of which was especially difficult for you but on the other side of the situation you can note positive outcomes?

Calling Revisted

One area I’m currently trying to “metabolize (Julia Cameron’s word) in my life, especially through writing, is this idea of calling being different during different seasons of life.

            For a very long time, I thought my calling was to work directly with college students.  For 17 years I worked on the front lines of student affairs work—first as a residence hall director then doing ten years at Baylor hiring community leaders, training students which meant being right in front of the, or sitting beside them for hours up on hours. 

            I advised student groups even getting elected to state and regional honors.  Me and students hand-in-hand.  Then, six years at Tarleton-same thing, recruiting, casting vision, training, advising, mentoring.

            Then I got moved to assessment and the students were not on my front line any longer.  They were more removed but luckily I officed in the Student Center so I still felt connected and involved.

            Then I got moved to the Office of Institutional Research & Effectiveness and to the second floor of the Tarleton Center.  Student traffic is extremely limited.  If we see a student, the student is usually lost.

            For a couple of years now I have wallowed in the “but my calling is to work with college students” song.  But what if my calling during this season is different?  What if my calling right now is something like studying college student?  What if, during this season, I’m support to research and write?  Honestly that calling scares me.  The “what if I’m not good enough” question looms.  What if?  All I can do is offer my best.

            I know I’m a good writer (no disrespect to my doctoral Dept. Chair who indicates I’m not a good writer….sorry Dr. Schreiner.)  I’ve recently gotten lots of writing affirmation so that is a Divine acknowledgment.  So why am I worried?  I have no logical argument!

            I read in A Confident Heart that Satan uses tactics such as “not good enough” which are broad, illogical statements which are not beneficial in helping an individual grow and learn.  So I know that I must walk forward.

            What will I study?

            Or what if my calling is now to use more of my giftedness such as strategic planning?  How might I go about getting that fire started?  How might I pour into those strengths more intentionally?

            And how to still this impatient and anxious soul?  Writing is my space creator.  Through writing I slow my pace to one that allows me to make sense of this crazy life.  Writing allows me to connect with the Divine and pour bright, white light into a situation, bath it with love, forgiveness, and joy.  How do I get more writing into my life?

            It seems it all comes down to intention.  Just like I pull those covers back onto the bed every day to assure the bed is made and fresh, I fold the sheets down and place the pillow in a line, I am going to have to be more intentional with writing.  I am going to have to crawl out of that bed and sometimes in a hazy, groggy state put pen to paper or click those keyboard keys.

            Could it be that intention is a big part of calling?  I recently wrote about being open not being a static state but rather requires movement through one’s life in an active way.  Is calling the same?  Get out and do something and the call arrives?

            Could it be through the openness and action that we run into the plane of our calling?  Maybe I’m on to something here!

            Maybe a reflective disruption happens when action and openness are intersected, causing reflection with the potential realization of calling.  Parker Palmer noted that “vocation does not come from willfulness, it comes from listening.”

            Ok life, I’m listening!

A Confident Heart

A Confident Heart

Swope, R. (2011). A Confident Heart. Revell, Ada, Michigan.

I recently finished reading A Confident Heart by Renee Swope.  I began reading with a bit of skepticism.  I’m to the point now in which I have read enough so called self-help book that I am becoming a bit jaded.  Frankly I believe I am to the point where I expect fluff.  

This book though, captured my attention enough to pass the “Order from Amazon” test so it made the first hurdle.

As I worked my way into the first few chapters, I was pleased to note a good bit of grounding.  The author did not just say something, rather she grounded it in scripture.

And she didn’t just ground it in scripture, it was thoughtful connections as well!

One point Swope made that will stick with me for a good while is that when we are doubting ourselves, remember that accusations do not come from God.  Scripture may convict but Scripture does not accuse.  Scripture also provides a path to a deeper and more loving relationship with Christ and others.  Accusations simply condemn.

While we may have a fight with a friend and say something hurtful, accusations would tell us we are bad while the Holy Spirit would prompt us to recognize our hurtful statements and ask us to restore the relationship.

A great quote from Swope noted,

Until our hearts find complete security and significance in God’s unconditional love, we will never be satisfied.  Those of us who struggle with insecurity and find ourselves in the shadow of doubt often get there because we are seeking our validation in people’s opinion, our worth in accomplishments, and our identity in excessive commitments.

Swope urges readers to take action to identify where one’s security and significance groundings.  

Swope even referenced one of most helpful authors in noting the work of Neil T. Anderson’s, Victory Over the Darknes;  a very valuable resource for anyone struggling with critical self-talk.

Two final thoughts I appreciated from Swopes:  “If you want to know your purpose, pursue the heart of God and you’ll have a head-on collision with your calling” and “sometimes staying is a step of faith.”

I will be posting thoughts about purpose soon.  But I believe Swopes is on to something with both statements.  Sometimes it is easy to deflect deep reflection and commitment by being on the go, even when the work is worthy stuff.

I remember at one institution I worked we would note some students who would overextend themselves.  Usually the projects the students were involved with were highly important and valuable but sometimes a student just stretched him or herself too thin.  There were times when we would say “what are they trying to avoid?”  I still encounter individuals like this. Folks that cannot be with themselves, alone, for any length of time or folks who are involved to the point they neglect important things.

I appreciated this book and would recommend it.  It is solid in format, structure, and foundation.  

A good piece that will benefit those shy of heart as well as those just seeking to continue to improve.

I found this blog entry quite profound.  Enough said.

Why It Is Often Better To Say Less

I Want To Write More Because.......My Response to Prompt

I signed up for the newsletter from Rain Wilson's site which produces the Kid President series.  This month there was a little ditty about writing and you could sign up for a daily writing prompt.  I believe the email is helloprompt.com if you want to sign up.

So, I signed up and the first prompt was:

"I want to write more because....."

Here is my response:

I want to write more because the message erupts from within and the blank page beckons; asking to fulfill its purpose of holding the sacred within its boundaries. The cadence of the keys intoxicate my spirit and the pen ignites something within that guides the ink to imbue the fibers. 

My thoughts, my beliefs, my story come upon my mind so strongly.  Yet hand-in-hand come the doubts.  Others are better writers.  It has already been said.  You have nothing new to add to the world.  My heart does not care, the words must match forward.  I believe in what I do and it satisfies my soul.