Losing Leadership

One of my biggest worries about moving from residence life/housing has been that I’ll “forget” how to lead.  I know it sounds silly but I was worried that I would forget how to have that “edge” or what it is like to think about leading over 100 people.

                Four years into my exile I realized something.  Maybe the whole point is that I forget.  Maybe I am supposed to forget and start anew.

                Could it be?  I mean I spent so much time watching my former boss (at Baylor) change the culture of a department, speak into people’s lives, and receive every benefit one could think of in the organization.  I considered that my role model.  I learned a great deal.

                So could it be that I was supposed to move away from that?  After I’d worked so hard at emulation!  So it was with a big sigh (was that relief?) that I decided to stop worrying about forgetting.  I decided that it was just fine to forget.  As a matter of fact I should forget!

                And start anew!  A different paradigm.  I admit that a lot has changed for me in the last four years.  I have spent three years now in a new church with a new pastor shaping my spirituality and values.  I have spent the last four years serving under four leaders who represent a vast spectrum of leadership abilities and styles.  And, I have spent a great deal of time learning about myself.

                I thought I knew myself well, but I had no idea!  So how will I be different in the future?  I am not sure.  I know that many years ago, I said that I wanted to serve as a Vice President so I could “help shape the plans and strategies for a division of student life.”

                I no longer desire to be a Vice President.  Too political.  However, in my new role back in the Division of Student Life, guess what I’m doing?  I am eagerly spending my time helping shape the plans and strategies of the departments within student life.  I am loving what I’m doing right now.  I am having fun and getting to live my values.

               

And it is good.  Was I a leader back then?  I suppose I was, but I do not think I was the best leader I could be.  Am I a leader now? I suppose I am, in a different way.  Fewer people, but more influence.

                I’m reading a book right now entitled, Essentialism, The Disciplined Pursuit of Less, by Greg McKeown.  The mantra for the book just happens to be “less, but better.”  Seems pretty timely to me!

                I am thankful for the last four years of “hard labor” because a new leadership within me has been formed.  I am enjoying myself each day and liking me is a major accomplishment.  For that, I am so thankful.  For what my former Baylor leader taught me, I am thankful and for what I am teaching myself I know, it will be priceless.  I will use this giftedness to its highest and best use!

A Life of Downward Mobility

2015 was a tough year for us.  Financially we struggled terribly.  While we are still putting our feet back under us, we are doing so in a new form—not simply reassembling what was already entrenched.

Going through a year as difficult as 2015 was, my husband and I had the opportunity to clarify our values.  When you lose so much, you then get to choose the place of value that entity held.  For example we let go of our XM Radio subscription.  Sure I have missed it at points but for someone who lives seven tenths of a mile from work, the commute is not impacted much!  Most days now I do not even have music on, I use that moment to pray or prepare myself for my day.

My husband and I also went without cable and internet for the year.  What we learned was that we were being negatively influenced by the evening drama shows known as news and we no longer valued the learning potential.  We modified our intake drastically and have learned to absorb with a stronger, value-laden filter.

For a little while I wondered “why” but fairly quickly I learned to appreciate the lessons God was teaching us.  I read a statement recently by Richard Rohr and he posed the question, “Surely God didn’t call only His Son to downward mobility?”

As we continue to walk out of the shadow of 2015, we do so with a perspective of downward mobility.  My husband and I will not re-subscribe to XM.  As a matter of fact we’re enjoying actual conversations with each other daily and on long trips.  We, I’m enjoying the conversations, and I think he endures them!

We are learning to truly, TRULY trust God for our daily bread and move in the direction of flexibility which will allow us to be more responsive to God’s will.

2015 was tough.  2016 has been better but we are clinging to the lessons we learned and believe we are doing the right thing to consider a life of downward mobility.