I went dormant several (ok, eight or nine) years ago. I didn’t know I was dormant. Once I was dormant though, I wandered through
life questioning everything from my calling to my sanity. What I have learned though is that I was
dormant, not dead.
In preparing to write this blog, I asked myself, “What
message do I want to share?” Upfront I
am going to give you my, a-ha moment.
While it is fine to question things, even your calling—when you, as an
average person, get to the point that you are questioning your own self-worth
and sanity, it isn’t you. When you check
with your support system and they have no concerns about your mental health—it isn’t
you.
As someone who naturally questions self before others, I
have discovered that a limit does exist regarding how deeply you can turn
inward.
Almost 11 years ago I accepted a promising position. Within a couple of years from beginning the
position my confidence had already taken a beating and I was searching for
strategies and new approaches for working with my new environment. Unfortunately nothing was working. Fast forward two demotions and being moved
into a closet (yes, picture the movie Office Space) and my mind was
whirling. I’d tried every approach known
and was still meeting with failure after failure.
Keep in mind that all the while, I am still trying. I am still showing up with a positive
attitude and trying to be a productive member of my work environment. Yet, day after day time moved forward and
then days turned to weeks, weeks to months and months to years. I questioned myself. Tried different approaches again and again.
Then, after 10.5 years, I got a new boss. I began meeting regularly and planning new
projects. Within my heart something was happening. In as little as four months, this new boss
had found an ember within this pile of ash and begun to stoke a flame.
What I have learned from this decade of wandering and
questioning is this: sustaining an
environment which is not aligned with your strengths and giftedness leads to
wrapping yourself in a cocoon or layers of protection. The more I questioned myself and found my
approach falling short for success, the more I would chastise myself and cut
that option from the list of potential approaches. Unfortunately, after such a sustained or
prolonged exposure to extreme stress, you find yourself within a thick cocoon
that you do not even realize is thee. It
has just become a part of you.
What should one do?
First, do not wait as long as I did!
The prolonged stress has cost me and caused damages I cannot repair.
Second, document everything.
You simply are better served in every way if you will document—simple journaling
every minute detail.
Third, approach leadership to explain your unique strengths
and giftedness and ask if you might have a project which will allow you to work
in your strengths at least some of the time.
Fourth, outside of your work time, find ways to nurture your
strengths. Join a church/synagogue, a
civic organization, or get involved in a not-for-project. There tends to be great need for individuals
to pour into such organizations.
Finally, realize that in some way, the misalignment is
costing you (physical health, emotional/mental health) and there may come a
time which requires you to make a tough decision. One note I will point out is that you should
consider if your misalignment is with the organization as a whole or with your
particular leadership area or leader.
Does your analysis result in a need to leave your organization entirely
or might a transfer within the organization provide the needed relief?
This process requires self-reflection, a neutral confidante,
and the wise counsel of friends.
With these steps, it is possible to open the cocoon and
emerge once again, strong with new energy and passion. Ultimately, you were just dormant, not dead.
