Life: Be

Chasing The Years of My Life

If you are a big Bruno Mars fan and want to hear lots of Bruno’s music, the secret is to make an Adele Station on Pandora.  You will not be bothered with Adele songs but instead will hear LOTS of Bruno Mars.  But, I digress.

Every so often the Non-Adele, Adele Station will play a song by Five for Fighting called 100 Years.  The song goes like this (thanks to Play.google.com)

I'm 15 for a moment
Caught in between 10 and 20
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are

I'm 22 for a moment
And she feels better than ever
And we're on fire
Making our way back from Mars

15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to lose
15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got a hundred years to live

I'm 33 for a moment
Still the man, but you see I'm a "they"
A kid on the way, babe.
A family on my mind

I'm 45 for a moment
The sea is high
And I'm heading into a crisis
Chasing the years of my life

15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to lose yourself
Within a morning star

15 I'm all right with you
15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got a hundred years to live

Half time goes by
Suddenly you’re wise
Another blink of an eye
67 is gone
The sun is getting high
We're moving on...

I'm 99 for a moment
And dying for just another moment
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are

15 there's still time for you
22 I feel her too
33 you’re on your way
Every day's a new day...

15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to choose
Hey 15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got a hundred years to live

Each time I hear the song, the part that sticks with me to be mulled over and over is: 

I'm 45 for a moment

The sea is high

And I'm heading into a crisis

Chasing the years of my life

Oh how often I feel like I’m chasing the years of my life.  So often I feel like the years have actually gotten up and taken off without me.  While that’s a good thing in some ways, I perpetually feel like I’m a “late bloomer” regarding wisdom and maturity.

Chasing the years of my life.  I often feel like “how the heck does the birthday number say what it says?  I still feel 22!”  Yet, my body is definitely telling me the birthday number is accurate!

Chasing the years of my life.  I’m not where I thought I’d be at this age.  I’m learning to actually celebrate this!  I am exactly where I’m meant to be and I am thankful for this!

Chasing the years of my life.  Maybe I have a forever youthful outlook and I believe that has served me well.

Chasing the years of my life.  I believe this forever youthful outlook will serve me well until 100!

Patience vs. Endurance

                I journal pretty much every day.  One of the things I did recently was consider how the years at my current work had taught me different things. 

                I noted that I had developed patience.  Upon considering it longer, I’m not sure I actually learned patience as much as I endured the environment.

                I began to explore the difference between patience and endurance.  Here is what I’ve learned.  Patience (or longsuffering from the Bible) is more of a reaction.  The opposite of anger.  It is more of a short-term experience such as self-restraint.

                Endurance is more of a long-term response of not surrendering.  Endurance is associated with hope.  In reflection, I definitely believe I have endured more than developed patience.

                I still have the sense of urgency about me when a committee decision has been made but someone continues to belabor points.  I want to say “enough talk, let’s see some action!”

                I wanted to look more deeply into endurance versus patience but have not, thus far, found a great deal with the exception of looking at endurance athletes. 

                One article noted that three things helped endurance athletes:  consistency, progression, and you got it, patience!  Thus another confirmation that patience is a sub-component of endurance!

                So what does this mean for me?  It helps me recognize that over the last 10 years, I may not have lost my way as much as I have thought; rather I was in a survival mode due to having to endure the environment that was less than supportive of thriving and I do have contributions to still make from my giftedness.

                In my newest role, I am feeling the rekindling of excitement about my work.  I haven’t been excited about my work in probably 6 years.  Yes you read that right, 6 years.  For the past years I’ve been in survival mode.  I am learning that the mind, like the body, changes when subjected to long term stress.  The things I thought had changed in me (passion, calling and so forth) hadn’t changed, they just had to go dormant in order to endure.

                I’m cautiously optimistic for the future.  Let’s face it, I’m older and jaded now so thus the cautious part!

                I would love to hear some of your endurance versus patience thoughts!  Feel free to leave a comment below:

Losing Leadership

One of my biggest worries about moving from residence life/housing has been that I’ll “forget” how to lead.  I know it sounds silly but I was worried that I would forget how to have that “edge” or what it is like to think about leading over 100 people.

                Four years into my exile I realized something.  Maybe the whole point is that I forget.  Maybe I am supposed to forget and start anew.

                Could it be?  I mean I spent so much time watching my former boss (at Baylor) change the culture of a department, speak into people’s lives, and receive every benefit one could think of in the organization.  I considered that my role model.  I learned a great deal.

                So could it be that I was supposed to move away from that?  After I’d worked so hard at emulation!  So it was with a big sigh (was that relief?) that I decided to stop worrying about forgetting.  I decided that it was just fine to forget.  As a matter of fact I should forget!

                And start anew!  A different paradigm.  I admit that a lot has changed for me in the last four years.  I have spent three years now in a new church with a new pastor shaping my spirituality and values.  I have spent the last four years serving under four leaders who represent a vast spectrum of leadership abilities and styles.  And, I have spent a great deal of time learning about myself.

                I thought I knew myself well, but I had no idea!  So how will I be different in the future?  I am not sure.  I know that many years ago, I said that I wanted to serve as a Vice President so I could “help shape the plans and strategies for a division of student life.”

                I no longer desire to be a Vice President.  Too political.  However, in my new role back in the Division of Student Life, guess what I’m doing?  I am eagerly spending my time helping shape the plans and strategies of the departments within student life.  I am loving what I’m doing right now.  I am having fun and getting to live my values.

               

And it is good.  Was I a leader back then?  I suppose I was, but I do not think I was the best leader I could be.  Am I a leader now? I suppose I am, in a different way.  Fewer people, but more influence.

                I’m reading a book right now entitled, Essentialism, The Disciplined Pursuit of Less, by Greg McKeown.  The mantra for the book just happens to be “less, but better.”  Seems pretty timely to me!

                I am thankful for the last four years of “hard labor” because a new leadership within me has been formed.  I am enjoying myself each day and liking me is a major accomplishment.  For that, I am so thankful.  For what my former Baylor leader taught me, I am thankful and for what I am teaching myself I know, it will be priceless.  I will use this giftedness to its highest and best use!

A Life of Downward Mobility

2015 was a tough year for us.  Financially we struggled terribly.  While we are still putting our feet back under us, we are doing so in a new form—not simply reassembling what was already entrenched.

Going through a year as difficult as 2015 was, my husband and I had the opportunity to clarify our values.  When you lose so much, you then get to choose the place of value that entity held.  For example we let go of our XM Radio subscription.  Sure I have missed it at points but for someone who lives seven tenths of a mile from work, the commute is not impacted much!  Most days now I do not even have music on, I use that moment to pray or prepare myself for my day.

My husband and I also went without cable and internet for the year.  What we learned was that we were being negatively influenced by the evening drama shows known as news and we no longer valued the learning potential.  We modified our intake drastically and have learned to absorb with a stronger, value-laden filter.

For a little while I wondered “why” but fairly quickly I learned to appreciate the lessons God was teaching us.  I read a statement recently by Richard Rohr and he posed the question, “Surely God didn’t call only His Son to downward mobility?”

As we continue to walk out of the shadow of 2015, we do so with a perspective of downward mobility.  My husband and I will not re-subscribe to XM.  As a matter of fact we’re enjoying actual conversations with each other daily and on long trips.  We, I’m enjoying the conversations, and I think he endures them!

We are learning to truly, TRULY trust God for our daily bread and move in the direction of flexibility which will allow us to be more responsive to God’s will.

2015 was tough.  2016 has been better but we are clinging to the lessons we learned and believe we are doing the right thing to consider a life of downward mobility.

Pouring Into Your Giftedness

Yesterday I met with about 250 new first-year students and presented them with the Strengths Philosophy.  I told them that this coming year was going to challenge their fundamental assumptions and push them beyond what they could believe.

I also challenged the students to find something that makes their heart sing and get involved in it.  No matter what the club/sport/organization is, whether it be the Bass Fishing Club, a running group (what are these people thinking?), or a Greek organization.

I said that to be successful in college, they were going to have to pour everything they had into their academic work and so there needed to be one thing in their life that poured back into them.

I think about what work has drained me over the years and what work has energized me.  As you might expect, when I am working in an area of strength, I feel energized.  Time flies and before you know it, the task is achieved.  When I’m working outside my strengths, it is a drudgery.  Time creeps and it feels like there will never be progress made.

It struck me that when Jesus was talking to the woman at the well in John 4:34, Jesus said that his nourishment comes from doing the will of God.  Thus, Jesus is filled by doing what he is called to do and what he is gifted to do.

I believe pouring into our strengths that have been given by God nourishes us.  Here Jesus makes it clear, provides the example.  When we are in the will of God, our soul is nourished.  We are filled.  We are not lacking.

How do we pour into our unique gifts?

1.       Prayer-we must seek a relationship with the real and living God.  Forget about the “thou” and “shalt” vocabulary.  Get real and tell God your heart.  Then rest and listen.  There are two sides to this coin, the talking towards/at God and the talk coming from God to us.  In order to “hear” or rather discern God’s “talk,” we must be still, stop our distractions, and sit with our soul.

2.       Connect-I have found growth in my community of believers.  I resisted being a part of a church for a long time.  I knew the reputation the church has and I simply wasn’t interested in being a part of the politics, the gossip, the judgment.  But what I found was a completely different group!  I plugged in and began to find relationships and fellowship.  I have been able to stretch my wings and begin to use my gifts in fresh, new ways.

3.       Develop yourself- I grow through the written word..whether it is the Bible or a book on spiritual development.  Others may listen to podcasts or sermons, or and audio book.  Still others may attend an online workshop or a seminar in person.  Whatever your preference, open yourself to development.

4.       Output-you need to exercise your strengths in service to others.  I don’t care how you do it, but talk to your faith-group leadership about ways to plug in and exercise who you were created to be.

These four steps will help you grow and expand your gifts, your strengths.  You will find blessings beyond what you can imagine.  I believe in the power of the strengths you have been gifted with.  I believe in the power of God.  With those two things, how can you do anything wrong!

Showing Up to Creativity

It’s ironic to me that I have read Julia Cameron’s The Artist Way, do my Morning Pages faithfully and even bought additional Cameron books on writing yet I still believed I could muscle my way through without adhering to a regular practice of just showing up regularly to write.

Of course, in my all or nothing mind, I thought it necessary to write daily.  When I couldn’t get to writing daily, I found that weeks would slip by and I had written nothing except my daily journal pages.  So, instead of doing the same thing but expecting different results, I am making a change in my world.

I will now expect myself to write on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays.  I will focus on a paragraph for the blog each appointment and then work on a larger-scaled project.  Hopefully this will allow me to show up for creativity, forming a routine writing practice, but not fall prey to the all or nothing mentality.

So far, here are the things I’m learning about myself and writing:

1.       Once I force myself to put ink to paper (yes, that’s correct, I still hand

write everything) the words flow more easily and even when I do struggle, at least I’ve got a draft on the page and everyone knows it is easier to edit than go from a blank space.

2.       Stop doing the same things but expecting different results.  Thank you Dr. Albert Einstein for defining insanity for us!  For too long now I have continued to behave in the exact same way but expected different results.  So, I guess I thought that not spending time writing would somehow result in written material.  Go figure.  I’m a little slow on the uptake.

3.       Do not fall prey to all or nothing thinking.  Something is better than nothing. I am trying to transfer this thinking to other areas of my life also such as diet/exercise/health!