Weary

I saw this on a blog as I've tried to rest and read today. 

side note:  I began taking iron supplements today in an effort to boost my red blood count level. From the research I've done, if all goes well, I could be back to normal energy level and readings in 4 weeks.  I am hopeful that all will go well. I've contacted the lady who does my fills hoping to get an unfill down to 1.7 soon in the hopes of increasing my caloric intake and thus improve my nutrition.

Resilience: Reflections on the Burdens and Gifts of Facing Life's Adversities, by Elizabeth Edwards, was published by Broadway Books on Friday, May 8, 2009. It is an honest searching book that explores her own struggles to be resilient in the face of the death of a son, her terminal cancer, and the marital infidelity of her husband, John Edwards. Here is a quotation: 

On Acceptance 
"This is the life we have now, and the only way to find peace, the only way to be resilient when these landmines explode beneath your foundation, is first to accept that there is a new reality. The life the army wife knew before her husband went to war, the life of the patient before the word "terminal" was said aloud, the life of the mother who sat reading by her son's bed and not his grave, these lives no longer exist and the more we cling to the hope that these old lives might come back, the more we set ourselves up for unending discontent....My life was and would always be different, and it would be less than I hoped it would be. Each time, there was a new life, a new story." 
p. 31

Peter Rollins Post

Peter Rollins posted a thought provoking essay on his blog today.

Visit http://peterrollins.net/blog/ for the full essay.

I really like the first quote from Kierkegaard:

One gift has been given me and in such a degree that I can call it genius it is the gift of conversation, of being able to talk with everyone.
This happy gift was given to me in order to conceal the undoubted fact that I am the most silent man of my day.
Silence hid in silence is suspicious, arouses mistrust, it is just as though one were to betray something; at least betrayed that one was keeping silence. But silence concealed by a decided talent for conversation as true as ever I live that is silence. Soren Kierkegaard, Journals

Towards the end of the piece, Rollins writes:
Of course there are very few who can truly touch our subjective world, who can touch the secret that we are to ourselves.

In thinking about this essay, it is very pointed for me as I am a very private person. Most people wouldn't describe me as such, initially, but to really know me is to understand that I have a very small inner circle and limit my friends to few and my acquaintences to many.

However I think the closest of the close for our inner circle still are not allowed the view to our most initimate thoughts, fears, ugly jealousy, or odd ideas. I believe we shield ourselves from others but if you are a believer, Christ is the one that knows your true heart. Christ is the one that sees the jealousy, the regrets, the hopes, the frustrations, and the joys. Hopefully Christ is the rock, the sustainer, the celebrant, and the comforter.

I struggle daily though to try and close the gap between the me in my head and the me I demonstrate for the world.

Exhaustion

Ready for the Weekend

Alex-are you still out there?

The weekend brings renewal. I'm looking forward to bringing this week to a close.  I was able to finally get Anita's paper submitted. I am so glad it is done. I will remember that paper as the "swine flu" paper. Although I am blessed I did not have the swine flu, I had some strange bug that caused nausea and I couldn't eat, it absolutely zapped my energy and now I've ended up anemic. I had blood work done on Monday and they were "concerned" that my iron level was 2.6 when a normal adult if 60-150!  They gave me some pills I've supposed to take 3 times a day BUT here are the restrictions:  take with food, do not take with my antibiotic (wait one hour on each side of the antibiotic) and thus that restricts me to NO TIME.  I guess it didn't compute to them that it takes me so long to eat and get something down, that by then it's time to take another antibiotic and the other medicine just doesn't fit in! HA!

Thankfully I am better and hoping this full, free weekend brings rest and renewal. Now time to turn my attention to:

• Lit review on followership and courage
  
• Qualitative Project
  
• Reading Book 3 for Anita
  
• Reading Book 3 for Alex
  

Do-able, right?  RIGHT!

Exhaustion

I am exhausted in every way. Physically and mentally. The energy from being a "new PhD" student has worn off awhile ago, the energy from the light at the end of tunnel has not yet arrived.  I'm behind and I'm overwhelmed.  However I keep putting one foot in front of the other. Hope that proves worthy.

I'm sick as a dog-two weeks and can't keep food down, gotta focus on protein intake.  This week I struggled to keep water down. By Friday though, I'd been able to drink two jugs of water and am now keeping solid food down-just gotta focus on the content of the food.

Work:  overwhelming

School:  so behind = overwhelming

Home: dirty = overwhelming

So stinkin tired too.  Ugg.

Good Blog Resource

http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2009/05/04/my-25-favorite-personal-finance-career-and-personal-development-blogs/

Great Quote

I just saw this quote on a prayer site. It is too good to not repeat.

I am not bound to win, but I am bound to be true. I am not bound to succeed, but I am bound to live up to what light I have.—Abraham Lincoln

It reminds me that I'm not perfect and will never be-only Christ has achieved that.  I just need to be the best I can be, each day, and allow myself to forgive and embrace all the good things that God provides.