Because my primary male role-model was unreliable, volatile,
inconsistent, and weak, I didn’t trust him.
I learned that promises were made and never kept so talk was just
talk. I learned safety was a foreign
concept and I was easily the sacrificial lamb.
And I learned that one’s wants were an acceptable substitute for needs.
In short, I learned not to trust.
What I didn’t realize until more recently was that my lack
of trust was/is more heavily applied to men.
I find that at times, I am less generous with the benefit of the doubt
for men.
Even though I have had a consistent, long-term male role
model for the last 30 years, I realized I was being less generous with grace
because of my early childhood history.
I’m now working to try and recogniz3e when I am being less
gracious to male influences. For
example, I will likely need to be a little more thoughtful when evaluating
political leader’s actions. Instead of
quickly discounting a policy or initiative, I’ll need to likely consider it
more carefully.
By the same token, I’ve tended to give exceptional grace to
female leaders. So, I still need to
thoughtfully consider my perspective regardless, to assure I am not being too
generous.
So, overall, my lesson is self-awareness. Before doing anything or making a decision, I
need to critically evaluate the merits of the opportunity/activity and not
allow the leadership to influence my leanings one way or another.
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