Dormant, Not Dead

I went dormant several (ok, eight or nine) years ago.  I didn’t know I was dormant.  Once I was dormant though, I wandered through life questioning everything from my calling to my sanity.  What I have learned though is that I was dormant, not dead.

In preparing to write this blog, I asked myself, “What message do I want to share?”  Upfront I am going to give you my, a-ha moment.  While it is fine to question things, even your calling—when you, as an average person, get to the point that you are questioning your own self-worth and sanity, it isn’t you.  When you check with your support system and they have no concerns about your mental health—it isn’t you.

As someone who naturally questions self before others, I have discovered that a limit does exist regarding how deeply you can turn inward.

Almost 11 years ago I accepted a promising position.  Within a couple of years from beginning the position my confidence had already taken a beating and I was searching for strategies and new approaches for working with my new environment.  Unfortunately nothing was working.  Fast forward two demotions and being moved into a closet (yes, picture the movie Office Space) and my mind was whirling.  I’d tried every approach known and was still meeting with failure after failure.

Keep in mind that all the while, I am still trying.  I am still showing up with a positive attitude and trying to be a productive member of my work environment.  Yet, day after day time moved forward and then days turned to weeks, weeks to months and months to years.  I questioned myself.  Tried different approaches again and again.

Then, after 10.5 years, I got a new boss.  I began meeting regularly and planning new projects. Within my heart something was happening.  In as little as four months, this new boss had found an ember within this pile of ash and begun to stoke a flame.

What I have learned from this decade of wandering and questioning is this:  sustaining an environment which is not aligned with your strengths and giftedness leads to wrapping yourself in a cocoon or layers of protection.  The more I questioned myself and found my approach falling short for success, the more I would chastise myself and cut that option from the list of potential approaches.  Unfortunately, after such a sustained or prolonged exposure to extreme stress, you find yourself within a thick cocoon that you do not even realize is thee.  It has just become a part of you.

What should one do?  First, do not wait as long as I did!  The prolonged stress has cost me and caused damages I cannot repair.

Second, document everything.  You simply are better served in every way if you will document—simple journaling every minute detail.

Third, approach leadership to explain your unique strengths and giftedness and ask if you might have a project which will allow you to work in your strengths at least some of the time.

Fourth, outside of your work time, find ways to nurture your strengths.  Join a church/synagogue, a civic organization, or get involved in a not-for-project.  There tends to be great need for individuals to pour into such organizations.

Finally, realize that in some way, the misalignment is costing you (physical health, emotional/mental health) and there may come a time which requires you to make a tough decision.  One note I will point out is that you should consider if your misalignment is with the organization as a whole or with your particular leadership area or leader.  Does your analysis result in a need to leave your organization entirely or might a transfer within the organization provide the needed relief?

This process requires self-reflection, a neutral confidante, and the wise counsel of friends.

With these steps, it is possible to open the cocoon and emerge once again, strong with new energy and passion.  Ultimately, you were just dormant, not dead.