Calling Revisted

One area I’m currently trying to “metabolize (Julia Cameron’s word) in my life, especially through writing, is this idea of calling being different during different seasons of life.

            For a very long time, I thought my calling was to work directly with college students.  For 17 years I worked on the front lines of student affairs work—first as a residence hall director then doing ten years at Baylor hiring community leaders, training students which meant being right in front of the, or sitting beside them for hours up on hours. 

            I advised student groups even getting elected to state and regional honors.  Me and students hand-in-hand.  Then, six years at Tarleton-same thing, recruiting, casting vision, training, advising, mentoring.

            Then I got moved to assessment and the students were not on my front line any longer.  They were more removed but luckily I officed in the Student Center so I still felt connected and involved.

            Then I got moved to the Office of Institutional Research & Effectiveness and to the second floor of the Tarleton Center.  Student traffic is extremely limited.  If we see a student, the student is usually lost.

            For a couple of years now I have wallowed in the “but my calling is to work with college students” song.  But what if my calling during this season is different?  What if my calling right now is something like studying college student?  What if, during this season, I’m support to research and write?  Honestly that calling scares me.  The “what if I’m not good enough” question looms.  What if?  All I can do is offer my best.

            I know I’m a good writer (no disrespect to my doctoral Dept. Chair who indicates I’m not a good writer….sorry Dr. Schreiner.)  I’ve recently gotten lots of writing affirmation so that is a Divine acknowledgment.  So why am I worried?  I have no logical argument!

            I read in A Confident Heart that Satan uses tactics such as “not good enough” which are broad, illogical statements which are not beneficial in helping an individual grow and learn.  So I know that I must walk forward.

            What will I study?

            Or what if my calling is now to use more of my giftedness such as strategic planning?  How might I go about getting that fire started?  How might I pour into those strengths more intentionally?

            And how to still this impatient and anxious soul?  Writing is my space creator.  Through writing I slow my pace to one that allows me to make sense of this crazy life.  Writing allows me to connect with the Divine and pour bright, white light into a situation, bath it with love, forgiveness, and joy.  How do I get more writing into my life?

            It seems it all comes down to intention.  Just like I pull those covers back onto the bed every day to assure the bed is made and fresh, I fold the sheets down and place the pillow in a line, I am going to have to be more intentional with writing.  I am going to have to crawl out of that bed and sometimes in a hazy, groggy state put pen to paper or click those keyboard keys.

            Could it be that intention is a big part of calling?  I recently wrote about being open not being a static state but rather requires movement through one’s life in an active way.  Is calling the same?  Get out and do something and the call arrives?

            Could it be through the openness and action that we run into the plane of our calling?  Maybe I’m on to something here!

            Maybe a reflective disruption happens when action and openness are intersected, causing reflection with the potential realization of calling.  Parker Palmer noted that “vocation does not come from willfulness, it comes from listening.”

            Ok life, I’m listening!