Calling Revisted

One area I’m currently trying to “metabolize (Julia Cameron’s word) in my life, especially through writing, is this idea of calling being different during different seasons of life.

            For a very long time, I thought my calling was to work directly with college students.  For 17 years I worked on the front lines of student affairs work—first as a residence hall director then doing ten years at Baylor hiring community leaders, training students which meant being right in front of the, or sitting beside them for hours up on hours. 

            I advised student groups even getting elected to state and regional honors.  Me and students hand-in-hand.  Then, six years at Tarleton-same thing, recruiting, casting vision, training, advising, mentoring.

            Then I got moved to assessment and the students were not on my front line any longer.  They were more removed but luckily I officed in the Student Center so I still felt connected and involved.

            Then I got moved to the Office of Institutional Research & Effectiveness and to the second floor of the Tarleton Center.  Student traffic is extremely limited.  If we see a student, the student is usually lost.

            For a couple of years now I have wallowed in the “but my calling is to work with college students” song.  But what if my calling during this season is different?  What if my calling right now is something like studying college student?  What if, during this season, I’m support to research and write?  Honestly that calling scares me.  The “what if I’m not good enough” question looms.  What if?  All I can do is offer my best.

            I know I’m a good writer (no disrespect to my doctoral Dept. Chair who indicates I’m not a good writer….sorry Dr. Schreiner.)  I’ve recently gotten lots of writing affirmation so that is a Divine acknowledgment.  So why am I worried?  I have no logical argument!

            I read in A Confident Heart that Satan uses tactics such as “not good enough” which are broad, illogical statements which are not beneficial in helping an individual grow and learn.  So I know that I must walk forward.

            What will I study?

            Or what if my calling is now to use more of my giftedness such as strategic planning?  How might I go about getting that fire started?  How might I pour into those strengths more intentionally?

            And how to still this impatient and anxious soul?  Writing is my space creator.  Through writing I slow my pace to one that allows me to make sense of this crazy life.  Writing allows me to connect with the Divine and pour bright, white light into a situation, bath it with love, forgiveness, and joy.  How do I get more writing into my life?

            It seems it all comes down to intention.  Just like I pull those covers back onto the bed every day to assure the bed is made and fresh, I fold the sheets down and place the pillow in a line, I am going to have to be more intentional with writing.  I am going to have to crawl out of that bed and sometimes in a hazy, groggy state put pen to paper or click those keyboard keys.

            Could it be that intention is a big part of calling?  I recently wrote about being open not being a static state but rather requires movement through one’s life in an active way.  Is calling the same?  Get out and do something and the call arrives?

            Could it be through the openness and action that we run into the plane of our calling?  Maybe I’m on to something here!

            Maybe a reflective disruption happens when action and openness are intersected, causing reflection with the potential realization of calling.  Parker Palmer noted that “vocation does not come from willfulness, it comes from listening.”

            Ok life, I’m listening!

A Confident Heart

A Confident Heart

Swope, R. (2011). A Confident Heart. Revell, Ada, Michigan.

I recently finished reading A Confident Heart by Renee Swope.  I began reading with a bit of skepticism.  I’m to the point now in which I have read enough so called self-help book that I am becoming a bit jaded.  Frankly I believe I am to the point where I expect fluff.  

This book though, captured my attention enough to pass the “Order from Amazon” test so it made the first hurdle.

As I worked my way into the first few chapters, I was pleased to note a good bit of grounding.  The author did not just say something, rather she grounded it in scripture.

And she didn’t just ground it in scripture, it was thoughtful connections as well!

One point Swope made that will stick with me for a good while is that when we are doubting ourselves, remember that accusations do not come from God.  Scripture may convict but Scripture does not accuse.  Scripture also provides a path to a deeper and more loving relationship with Christ and others.  Accusations simply condemn.

While we may have a fight with a friend and say something hurtful, accusations would tell us we are bad while the Holy Spirit would prompt us to recognize our hurtful statements and ask us to restore the relationship.

A great quote from Swope noted,

Until our hearts find complete security and significance in God’s unconditional love, we will never be satisfied.  Those of us who struggle with insecurity and find ourselves in the shadow of doubt often get there because we are seeking our validation in people’s opinion, our worth in accomplishments, and our identity in excessive commitments.

Swope urges readers to take action to identify where one’s security and significance groundings.  

Swope even referenced one of most helpful authors in noting the work of Neil T. Anderson’s, Victory Over the Darknes;  a very valuable resource for anyone struggling with critical self-talk.

Two final thoughts I appreciated from Swopes:  “If you want to know your purpose, pursue the heart of God and you’ll have a head-on collision with your calling” and “sometimes staying is a step of faith.”

I will be posting thoughts about purpose soon.  But I believe Swopes is on to something with both statements.  Sometimes it is easy to deflect deep reflection and commitment by being on the go, even when the work is worthy stuff.

I remember at one institution I worked we would note some students who would overextend themselves.  Usually the projects the students were involved with were highly important and valuable but sometimes a student just stretched him or herself too thin.  There were times when we would say “what are they trying to avoid?”  I still encounter individuals like this. Folks that cannot be with themselves, alone, for any length of time or folks who are involved to the point they neglect important things.

I appreciated this book and would recommend it.  It is solid in format, structure, and foundation.  

A good piece that will benefit those shy of heart as well as those just seeking to continue to improve.

I found this blog entry quite profound.  Enough said.

Why It Is Often Better To Say Less

I Want To Write More Because.......My Response to Prompt

I signed up for the newsletter from Rain Wilson's site which produces the Kid President series.  This month there was a little ditty about writing and you could sign up for a daily writing prompt.  I believe the email is helloprompt.com if you want to sign up.

So, I signed up and the first prompt was:

"I want to write more because....."

Here is my response:

I want to write more because the message erupts from within and the blank page beckons; asking to fulfill its purpose of holding the sacred within its boundaries. The cadence of the keys intoxicate my spirit and the pen ignites something within that guides the ink to imbue the fibers. 

My thoughts, my beliefs, my story come upon my mind so strongly.  Yet hand-in-hand come the doubts.  Others are better writers.  It has already been said.  You have nothing new to add to the world.  My heart does not care, the words must match forward.  I believe in what I do and it satisfies my soul.  

Advice to my Young (Current & Future) Self

I have been thinking a bit about what advice I would give to my younger self.  Over the last four years-ish, I have really been struggling with some issues so I began to think about the “what if” scenarios.  What if I had done this or not done that?  What if this hadn’t happened or that had taken place?  One can spend much time wallowing in the “what if” zone.

But I wanted to be more productive, more positive and ultimately make a difference for my future. 

While I’m entitling this little entry “advice to my younger self,” it turns out to also be advice to my current self!

·         You are beautiful just as you are. 

o   People will emotionally beat you up for being who you are.  Be who you are.  God likes you and that’s all that matters.

o   Stop and do not repeat the abuse of your body.  It is going to be the thing that carries you the long distance so be kind to it.

My Body

I’m beautiful just as I am.  Not too long ago, I came to terms with (if you ever really come to terms with anything) the fact that I’m going to struggle with my weight forever.  It will never be a non-issue. 

It has been an issue since I was four years old and it will be an issue forever.  But I can control how much of an issue it is.

Don’t let it be a consuming issue.  Learn to eat for fuel, not for fun.  Don’t abuse your body.  It turns out that your body is the thing that sticks with you long term so treat it well and hopefully it will carry you a long way.

Be Who You Are

People will beat you up for being who you are.  Be you anyway.  Most people who talk about you, laugh at you, or cut you down are actually so down on themselves it is not you they dislike-it’s them.

God didn’t create us to be cookie-cutter people.  God truly wants people to be unique and God likes you just like you are.  Don’t strive to be like others-just be you!

Change

·         The grass is going to look greener, smell better, and often call to you from the other side.  Don’t rush into change.

·         You are going to tell people to keep walking through doors because God will close the ones that are not supposed to be open.  Maybe it’s better to slow down and (See #1) analyze the doors, test the doors, and push the doors, before you run through them.

·         You are impulsive, figure that out earlier and build a tribe to check your impulsivity.  That will pay off in the end.

At 50, I realize I have spent my lifetime chasing some things and it turns out, I’ve lived to regret a thing or two.  While, in the immediate, the grass looked and smelled better than the side I was one, I would have probably been better off just saying on my side of the pasture.  There are a couple of times I cut the fence that I wish I could take back.  I shouldn’t have rushed into change.

Over the course of my life I’ve dished out some bad advice.  One thing I’ve said is that you should keep walking through doors because God will close the ones you’re not supposed to walk through.  Now that I think about it, maybe I should have been a better partner with God rather than just making God shoulder 99.9% of it all. 

Maybe it’s better to slow down, analyze the doors, test the doors, and push them slightly before running through them.  See advice about greener grass above.  Grass that is dead but spray painted green still looks good from a distance.  But it’s dead.

Relationships

·         Learn to trust those who count.

o   It’s worth it.

·         Expand relationships.  You need more than one friend.

Learning to trust has been pretty much one of the hardest lessons of my life.  But it is worth it.  I’m not saying placing trust won’t be a mistake, but once I’ve vetted something, I should go for it.  And don’t take 50 years to vet something.

I have even written a blog before on my fascination with the number one.  My advice to my younger self would be to amass a tsunami of friends.  Don’t guard myself too much.  It’s ok to have a large circle of influence but a smaller group of trusted advisors.  Gather friends like a bucket of blackberries.  Each one a different flavor, intensity, ripeness.  But putting them all together makes a great cobbler and a great life.

Don’t limit relationships (by Nadine Bruner).

Creating Open, Being Open, What Open Means

My “One Little Word” (by Ali Edwards) for 2016 is open.  

I have participated in the “One Little Word” course for about five years or more.  Each month Ali provides prompts to help you interact with the word you’ve selected to guide your year.

Last month (April) Ali challenged participants with reflections on the questions, “what does it mean to be (insert participant’s word here)” and “what is (insert participant’s word here)?”  Ali suggested writing the questions on sticky pads and having them all around yourself so you intersect the questions multiple times each day.

I placed my notes in my planner on the page finder so every time I glanced at my planner I saw the bright pink note asking me “what does it mean to be open?”

During my ruminations on this question I came to the realization that I had long perceived being open as a static endeavor.  Basically when I pictured being open I envisioned being still and some issue, topic, challenge coming to me to expand my perspective.

Contrary to this definition, I realized that being open is actually an active endeavor.  I realized that I need to be in motion, not stagnant, to experience openness.

While some issues, typically on the national or global scale, do come to me, I really have to work out my stuff (challenges, opinions, ideas) as I am moving through life.

I think it is pretty rare that we get afforded the privilege of just having everything constant long enough for us to objectively measure and make great decisions.  Sure that happens sometimes, but often I’m juggling multiple things, working on various ideas in my head, and putting on lip gloss or taking the dogs out when I’m having to give feedback or make up my mind.

We have to make our decisions on the go. 

While we are actually doing life.  

We don’t get that spa-like weekend then leadership training in order to arrive at the optimal decision.

Neither do we often have the opportunity to pull together a peer group, a mentor group, or even random people to provide us well-rounded input.

We just have to do it.

We have to live our best life, make the best decisions based on values, and be open to feedback…..good and bad.

To me, that’s what being open now has been redefined as.  No longer static but rather dynamic. 

Now when I consider myself being open, I see myself filled with movement, the passing things along the road of life.  The movement of the wind as a breeze across the path as we travel along. 

Open is movement, like the beautiful movement of Misty Copeland across the stage, having been told so many negatives:  not good enough, thighs too big, breast too large, too short, just go away.  But Copeland felt the movement in her heart and she had to dance.  She had to be.  And she was open.

As we learn to be open, the space inside our souls grows.  

The more open we are, I believe, the more space we get and ironically, the benefit is that we have a little more space as we move through life because open draws more openness.