Maybe I'm Just THAT Old

This week has been the brain-drain week. I can't find a thought in my head to save my life. I'm not sure what it is: if I am just old as dirt, if I am burning the candle at both ends, if I am going from unhealthy to healthy thanks to my calves of steal and the upcoming (Saturday) 5k, or if I'm just tired and need a nap.  I had a paper due to Anita on Tuesday.  Didn't happen. I had to email her and take a late on it. It'll be this weekend (at best) before I can muster up some nouns, verbs, maybe a conjunction or two and have them fall out of my head and into the Word document!

I hope this pity party ends soon-positivity is usually in my top 10!

Who Is Going On A Cruise? Raise Your Hand!

March 7 - 12 is the date 

The Elizabeth & Joshlyn Wallace

First Ever Mother-Daughter Cruise!

Leaving Galveston, Texas and sailing to Cozumel and Progreso Mexico!

We are going to have the MOST FUN EVER!

Exhale

Today I submitted my first qualitative project.

*exhale deeply*

Although it was hard work it was neat to see the data take shape into themes. I didn't expect to find the information I actually found. In listening to the interview and reading the transcript one thing that stuck out was the feeling of success or finding "what set me apart" in working with strengths.

Although I knew how I personally felt when learning about the strengths philosophy, hearing from someone else seemed to take a completely new shape. It was neat to hear about someone else feeling great about being unique and being recognized for excellent work.

I liked finding a theme then providing a quote that made it personal.

I've always thought writing is like having a baby. You have lots of anticipation before the event. You think about what it's going to be like, you imagine it, you go through it in your mind. Then you begin the process. It is harder than you expected, it's not a wonderful event with angels singing. You sweat, you don't shower, it goes on for hours. Then you have the end result and it's ugly and needs to be cleaned up. Even though it's ugly and dirty and needs cleaning up you are so happy that you just want to cry. It's beautiful to you. Then you clean it up and it begins to look nice and you can even show it off to others!

There Is No Right Answer

I'm discovering....well, maybe acknowledging is a more appropriate word, that I do not handle ambiguity well. The definition of Maximizer (according to Strengths Finder) states: excellent, not average, is your measure. However, if I don't know what excellence is or even what average is, my mind begins to spin, whirling to overload (also thanks to Ideation and Input) to the point that I am like a tornado spinning myself out.

I wrote Alex today describing why I think I'm struggling with Qualitative. I think it's because I do not know where the "good" or "great" lines are so I can't determine how to be excellent. And if I can't be excellent then I just want to take my toys and go home.  What a big baby I am!  

It's a journey.  Sometimes I miss the days of throwing myself on the floor, kicking, screaming, and crying until I get some consolation! HA!

Valentine's Day

2009 Valentine's Day Riverboat Cruise

Granbury, Texas

I Love Threaded Discussions

Well right now I'm frustrated.  It's been a long hard week.  I am annoyed at work and home.  

I have tried on three different computers to post on the ecompanion and basically it is hating me.  Annoying because I LOVE the threaded discussions. My peers are brilliant. I am always so in awe of their insights and wisdom.  

On the threaded discussion there are lots of posts regarding whether or not Dr. Small crossed a line in her research or not, ethically.  Did her "undercover" research add to or subtract from the work. I asked the question:  would you take qualitative research from Dr. Small?

One could argue that in order to progress, one has to push forward. Maybe Dr. Small's work is-pushing forward our knowledge of the University (system, process, as an entity) and student intersection.

One could argue that Dr. Small's work is cutting edge and progressive.

One could argue that Dr. Small crossed a line ethically and was deceptive in her work.

Is playing it safe with research the best thing to do?  Will playing it safe give the same level of "rich and thick" data as fully disclosing the researcher's identity or is it needed to be "undercover?"

These are tough decisions to work through as the researcher attempts to get the best information to learn, grow, and inform.

Astonished (Theoretical)

Today I was shocked to conduct my interview. It is HARD WORK!

Jeez you have to be super organized BEFORE the interview else you're shuffling around getting everything signed and situated while you're wanting to get things started.

I was nervous and that shocked me. I'm totally passionate about my topic, I know my interviewee well so being nervous was a surprise for me!

My questions seemed to go too quickly. I scheduled us for an hour but it did not take that long.

However, I really enjoyed just listening to the person speak, tell the story, answer the questions, and let the words fall from their mouth, knowing that I will have an opportunity to pour over the words several times and sift through them to find themes.

It's exciting and humbling at the same time.

On an unrelated topic, I spent the day walking the residence halls with the University's Risk Management Director and the Texas State Fire Marshall's office representative. He's conducting an inspection (THOROUGH) of the residential facilities. He's going into random student rooms and making sure we have our facilities in a safe condition. Talk about intense! However I am SO PROUD of my staff. There are 1800 people on campus and we're probably going into half the rooms right now and they look AMAZING! *sigh of relief*

I am blessed to work with people who care so much about their work and are so dedicated!

Going Native-Theoretical

The phrase "going native" always makes me think of hairy armpits. I know it's terrible. But it makes me think of not shaving my legs or my armpits.  I'll go for counseling after the doctoral work-no time now!  HA!

I like the thoughts the researcher presents on page 15 of My Freshman Year. The researcher suggests that despite her alcohol busts and the bonding that followed, she was still "never really one of them" and that her personal experiences as a middle-aged woman "cannot say anything directly about the undergraduate experience" since she's not in the student's position if being 18, a peer, feeling peer pressure and so forth. Further she states "one can never really "go native" or expect that one's experience is indicative of the experience of others born in the culture.

Thus, even though a researcher may be completely submerged in a culture and may even feel he/she is now part of the culture, because he/she joined the culture and was not born into it the fundamental assumptions cannot be the same as an individual who inherits those assumptions/values and so forth.

I like how the author does note that although one can't ever really go native, one can be immersed and the immersion experience informs the context and questions. So, even when immersed, just as Heifetz describes a leader as one who can envision him/herself on the dance floor while also envisioning him/herself on the balcony and viewing the dance floor from above, the researcher still hovers, considering the questions, the values, and the cultural assumptions from an exterior perspective rather than blind acceptance.

My Freshman Year (Reflective Reading) II

In my previous post I indicated that I liked the way author Rebekah Nathan wove information about the qualitative research into the story of being a student in My Freshman Year. Continuing with my newly learned skill of hovering above the story in order to note themes and broad stroke connections, I liked the way Nathan educated the reader regarding her alcohol violation and its implications for qualitative research.

Within 48 hours of moving in to the residence hall, Nathan was "busted" by the RAs. Nathan writes that the situation reminded her of another qualitative researcher, Clifford Geertz, who also found himself in a "bust" situation when police raided an illegal cock fight. Geertz ran away from the police alongside other villagers and this proved to be his ticket into the culture.

Nathan writes: there were other unexpected elements as well that reminded me of doing overseas fieldwork. One of these was language. In her study of student language, Connie Eble (1996) found that in a seven-year span (1980-87), only 10 percent of a college slang lexicon remained in use, and over fifteen years (1972-87) only four out of two hundred words stayed the same. I saw very quickly from the banter of the first week that I did not have my lingo straight, and that to increase rapport, I would have to master the current speech conventions."

I am amazed. Over and over I finish reading a passage and not only am I "into" the story and can't wait to read more, but I walk away with a lesson on qualitative research plus a bit of historical context!  In the above section, I learned about the current lingo:  "hooked up, lame, awesome" are cited as current student verbiage, I take away how two incidents provided researchers an "in" into a culture of study (illegal cockfight, alcohol violation) plus I learn about researcher, Eble, and the work she's done on language.

Maybe the magnitude of qualitative research is hitting me so strongly because I have actually read very little of it in my life. Rarely have I read anything other than quantitative articles, self-help books (hey, I'm pretty broken and they promised to fix me) and *blush* the Oprah magazine.  HA!  

I didn't know I would love this type of reading so much. The doctoral program has provided me plenty of opportunity to read the quantitative stuff. I've trained myself to think that the now seemingly (ok it's not just seemingly, it IS) dry, bland, sterile Cronbach Alpha was the stuff I should read to be an learned individual. I am loving that in addition to Cronbach, there is a place, a neat and cool place for a story that weaves, flows, and enriches the perspective. Since reading My Freshman Year, I am coming away with a very full picture:  of the 2003 student life, of a qualitative research example, and a context for other research that's been done.

If others (Jake for example in his blog) are having the same experience I am, there is a possibility that qualitative research ends up being the method for the dissertation. I won't get too carried away as even my initial research questions were slanted as quantitative, but maybe that's because I only know that example. As I do my own ethnography of this stuff, maybe I'll "go native!"

My Freshman Year (Reflective Reading)

I am enjoying My Freshman Year a great deal. I am really engrossed in the detail of the book on multiple levels. The story itself is engrossing; the idea of a university insider (faculty) taking on the role of a student and experiencing the student view is enviable. The author details many things that only a student knows and is able to share the wisdom as a valuable resource. As a housing person the information regarding the workings of the "freshman dorms" makes me blush in the many ways my own work in non-original yet provides inspiration at the same time because of the new knowledge discovered by the researcher.

The qualitative research example provided through the author's writing is useful and allows me to see qualitative work taking place and being documented in a way that is entertaining and engaging. I think the engagement is not simply because the university environment is my "turf" but because I'm learning that qualitative work is simply engaging. I am beginning to realize qualitative work is like "emotional intelligence" of research. It's inspiring stories that capture my attention and leave me with a feeling of thorough understanding.

One of the first things that captured my attention is the documenting of the Preview experience. The researcher notes that the students were placed in a "premier freshman dorm" (p. 7). At my own institution's summer premier event, the students are placed in the best facility as well. As a housing administrator I am the recipient of the complaints in August when the students return to campus and move into their less than premier facility. Thus I have questioned the placement of all students in the best facility and requested that we place the students in the more likely facility. However, to date, this has not been approved.

I have most enjoyed the way the researcher has so effortlessly woven the qualitative research details into the story. The author's transitions are seamless, in my opinion, and provide details regarding the research without taking away from the story itself. The author notes the paradigms used to view the data in nothing "As a new student, I was overwhelmed; as a professor, I was surprised...as an anthropologist, I was humbled to see how little I, as a professor, knew of my student's academic world" (p. 8). Without even realizing it, the author has put her biases on the table and informed the reader of the various lens she uses to interpret the data.

Will I ever be able to write so easily?  This takes skill that I believe exceeds the formula quantitative research takes.  *shhh* don't tell!

Chaos Theory

Since reading about the chaos and complexity theory,  I have continued thinking about them and their impact on leadership in higher education. Often I've said "trust the process" and enduring themes always produce a solid product. I believe there may be more chaos theory at work, at least in my world, than I realized.

Or maybe I'm like the Charlie Brown character, Pig Pen and I just create the chaos?  Or am attracted to the chaos......

Today I was reading more of Kezar (my hero) and it stated: from a research perspective, complexity and chaos have proved difficult to study.....As noted quantitative studies of complexity often lack external validity and practical application (Streufert, 1997) In describing the importance of appropriate research methods in the study of complexity, Marion and Uhl-Bien (2001)  explain the value of qualitative approaches such as ethnography in analyzing complex interactions. They note qualitative methods reach beyond the scope of quantitative studies to capture complicated multidimensional interactions. More studies from a qualitative perspective may help to shed more light on chaos and complexity and their relationship to leadership.

I think I may be "converting" as I seem to now be experiencing cognitive dissonance in a sense-searching for reassurance!

I like that Kezar noted a need for the study of leadership in a way that isn't measured via a survey-that allows for the stories to dictate the learning. I know that of the four individuals that came to work with me at the new school, we all have vivid, powerful stories to tell about an encounter with the strengths-based philosophy. Often it is the looking through the lens of the strengths that transformation happened. These are the stories I want to tell-and ultimately positively impact the practice of leadership and use of a strengths-based philosophy!

Yvonna S. Lincoln & Five Dollar Foot Longs

As I've talked to others and indicated that this semester I'm taking qualitative research they tend to yell out "Lincoln & Guba" as though they are saying "FIVE, FIVE DOLLAR FOOT LONG" so I'm deducting (as an astute qualitative researcher would) that Lincoln & Guba are pretty important. 

So, I looked them up. Turns out Lincoln is an Aggie!  Here she is.

This is how I spent my day. Typically throwing up (thanks to the lapband) is a sport in which I excel. However today I seem to have caught some stupid bug going around. I was supposed to be in the telephone interviews for the provost and I threw up twice so I had to leave.  I'm pretty bummed about that because I really, really wanted to be in them.  I then slept from 1 - 5. Wow.  

Reflexive Reading; Creswell Chapter 8

The Data Analysis Spiral

I am thinking about the spiral. It is quite different than quantitative research where one tries to work down to the point; in qualitative I need to work upwards and it is ok to spin around, bouncing back and forth in the spiral. Bouncing back and forth actually allows the reseacher (me) to be immersed in the data gathering the details and the broad themes.  As opposed to the quantitative feel where one seems to want precision and to move down to the sterile point, qualitative spiraling is comfortable with the messiness.

I'm still trying to get comfortable with being comfortable in the messiness.

I liked the discussion about not counting passages so as not to even hint of being quantitative but I also think that it is interesting to go to such lengths to avoid being associated with "those people!" I agree though that a qualitative researcher has to really study the data so the weight of individual passages can be determined because it could be that one passage is the key to understanding the full context of the data.

Creswell provides a nice overview of each of the five approaches and how the spiral applies to the approach. Thus, Creswell discusses how data is analyzed for a narrative, phenomenology, grounded theory, ethnography, and case study. Each approach has a unique way data should be approached.  For my own study, a phenomenological approach, Creswell suggests:

• Describe personal experiences with the phenomenon. This not only gives a description but identifies the views of the researcher. One of the important aspects of qualitative research is putting the personal biases on the table so this allows me to indicate right away that I am a pro-strengths-based philosophy person.
• Develop a list of significant statements about how others experienced the phenomena.
• Group statements into larger units called "meaning units."
• Write a description of what the participants experienced with the phenomena. This is the "textural description."
• Write the "how" the experienced happened. This is the "structural description" which is a reflection on the setting and context.
• The last aspect is to write the composite description which is the culminating of the descriptions which ultimately is the essence of the experience. The pro and con of this is that it is usually a long paragraph. So luckily it isn't a dissertation in itself. Unfortunately sometimes the hardest things to write are the shorter items.

Creswell's information actually puts me more at ease with this study as it gives me some of the structure I need being the OCD individual I am!

At the end of the chapter Creswell provides an overview of some of the software options available to qualitative researchers. Of the ones he lists only one is Mac Friendly!  Bummer.

I thought that some of the pros/cons of the list of computer programs were stretching to have a point.

Theoretical Memo; Pondering Leadership in Higher Education

My qualitative study is a phenonmological and takes a look at the strengths-based philosophy in place at a "private, faith-based institution in the Southwest."

While reading Kezar, Carducci, and Contreras-McGavin (2006) I was challenged in my thinking of the culture created during the time I was employed.  The reading stated the following things that captured my attention:

• Few of the new concepts have been examined, however, and reflect important areas for future research and examination by practitioners.
• Higher education would benefit as a field if more studies would use critical and postmodern paradigms to uncover new ways to conceptualize leadership; 
• explore empirical studies of specific cultural phenomena that affect leadership in higher education such as symbols or story telling (p. xi).

I believe that a strengths-based leadership perspective is a "specific cultural phenomena" that affects leadership. I believe it will be interesting to delve into the experience through the perspective of those who worked directly (up-close and personal) in the University but at various levels. One thing that I want to examine as I explore the strengths-based philosophy is how much the leader is mentioned or how much of the leadership is attributed to having the specific leader that was in place.  

Kezar, Carducci, and Contreras-McGavin (2006) suggests "Leaders who foster learning can create change" (p. xi).

Being introduced to a strengths-based philosophy introduced a completely new level of learning for many individuals. Not only did "strengths" provide a common vocabulary, it provided a foundation for exploring calling and set in motion exploration of self and other giftedness which leads credibility to the quote above. I am of the opinion that during my employment at the University, our division was a learning organization and ultimately more change occurred during the years 2002 - 2006 than had in the previous 20 years.

So, is this passage urging me to explore the phenomena of a strengths-based philosophy?  I hope so!!!!

Faith

This is an awesome text:

Now to him who is able to keep you from falling, and to make you stand without blemish in the presence of his glory with rejoicing, to the only God our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, power, and authority, before all time and now and forever. Amen.
Jude 1:24-25

This was the scripture for the devotional at d365.org. I go to this site daily and love the writings there. Each week is a new author, a seminary student from across the United States. I think the writing are contemporary and thought-provoking.

Today this scripture really resonated with me as I strive to balance home, work, and school. I am very fortunate to be at a place where my daughter is older so she doesn't need me home for things like a bath or dressing her in the morning. Although her bi-polar condition does demand a higher level attention that others her age and I often feel she is developmentally about at 13, she can still feed, cloth, and manager herself for the most part.

However work is demanding more and more from me lately. On Friday the Director for the Center for Diversity Initiatives was fired. 

In this class and in Leading Change I often feel I'm shooting in the dark and don't know if I'm doing ok. Frankly this class scares the daylights out of me. I am so afraid I'm not going to do well. I'm reading and working on understanding but honestly it will come down to a grade and that is what scares me. I worry. Alot. I'm anxious. Alot. I have so much to do yet am feeling overwhelmed and paralyzed.

So, spending time thinking about Jesus keeping me from falling and making sure I am blemish free is wonderful. I call upon the concept of grace OFTEN and am so thankful that my salvation has already been guaranteed and I am forgiven. Even when I stumble, even when I make a remark that I want to grab and stuff back into my mouth, even when that pride glares at me in the mirror, or that competitive spirit overtakes me, I can lean back and feel Christ encompasse me. Relax and know I am blemish free thanks to His grace.