I recently read a thoughtful piece by Andrea Lucado ( find
it here: http://storylineblog.com/2014/05/30/are-you-afraid-of-admitting-what-you-want/
)
which really made me think about tempering emotions……especially joy.
For as long as I can remember, I have tempered joy. I have done so, appearing cool,
detached, nonchalant, in earlier times striving to avoid being labeled as
silly, childish, immature even.
While on the outside-to others, I would justify this
tempering by saying things which neutralize the potential for joy. I might discount my enthusiasm for a
potential job/promotion expectancy (hope) by pointing out my shortcomings in
experience. Or, I might counteract
my contributions (recognition) to a project by pointing out everyone else’s
gifts.
What Lucado made me realize is that while I was guarding
against disappointment (not getting the job, not being recognized), I was also
neutralizing joy significantly. While I might be insulating myself from the
hurt and pain, I have also been insulating myself from joy.
You cannot dull one spectrum of emotions without dulling the
opposite end of the spectrum of emotions.
Lucado quotes author and researcher, Brene’ Brown in saying “It
is much easier to live disappointed than it is to feel disappointment.”
We so often believe we can insulate ourselves from the
feelings. At times we use things
as insulation such as: drugs,
alcohol, or even socially accepted things such as work, or exercise. In any form, we are trying to insulate,
to put something between us and those feelings so we do not feel, I mean deeply
feel. So we do not sit with those emotions and know what it is like to feel the
pain of disappointment or of not being recognized, or of not fitting in.
Lucado urges us to move forward into those feelings—to risk
feeling the emotions of fear, of anxiety as they also lead to joy, to love, to
belonging, and to faith. For it is
through the trail of anxiety and fear that we find joy.
It is through the allowing of these emotions to be felt that
others come to know us, that others get to truly bond with us and have
authentic relationships with us.