The Realization That I Am A Perfectionist

I remember each week in Kindergarden we got special drawing/painting time. It was such a special time that before I began Kindergarden one of the required "school supplies" was a smock. I'd never owned a smock before. This apron-like attire was used to cover our clothing on the special art days.

My grandmother made my smock and I was so proud of it. I went almost the entire year without getting anything on my smock. Not one drop, not a splash, not a dribble of paint. I was so very careful.

I was so careful that I realized the first time I painted that I didn't get anything on me. To assure this fact stayed true, I decided to paint the same thing every week.

I remember one of my teachers asking me why I painted the same thing every week. I just shrugged but the real reason was because I didn't want my smock untidy.

So I painted the same thing EVERY week. I'm sure there are some psychological case studies that could be drawn from this behavior, but I realize now, it was the birth of my perfectionism. I found one way to do something and simply repeated what worked. I liked tidy. I disliked untidy. And thus the next 44 years of my life went!

I'm now reading the book Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott. She expresses that it is important to be messy with your writing of your first draft. BE MESSY? Oh My! Now that's going to take some doing-me, untidy? Wow. I'll have to work on that-the perfectionist in me has prevented me from putting many things on paper....just now I wanted to write "prevented me from putting alot on paper" but I know it's untidy to write alot and thus I automatically rephrased my wording before I even put it down! I've got some work to do!

This might be a challenge but I have a feeling it might be fun (and a struggle at the same time) but maybe I'll just dirty up my smock.....what's the worst thing that can happen....according to Lamott I need a "shitty" first draft in order to get to a good second draft!

The Gifts of Imperfection

Below are my highlights from my reading of the book, The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene' Brown.

The highlights are quotes from the book:

Knowledge is important, but only if we’re being kind and gentle with ourselves as we work to discover who we are. Wholeheartedness is as much about embracing our tenderness and vulnerability as it is about developing knowledge and claiming power.

Practicing courage, compassion, and connection in our daily lives is how we cultivate worthiness.

I’ve learned that playing down the exciting stuff doesn’t take the pain away when it doesn’t happen. It does, however, minimize the joy when it does happen. It also creates a lot of isolation.

Every time we choose courage, we make everyone around us a little better and the world a little braver.

Only when we know our own darkness well can we be present with the darkness of others.

many of the truly committed compassion practitioners were also the most boundary-conscious people in the study.

Compassionate people are boundaried people.

if we really want to practice compassion, we have to start by setting boundaries and holding people accountable for their behavior.

Connection begets connection.

If we want to fully experience love and belonging, we must believe that we are worthy of love and belonging.

Relationship and connection happen in an indefinable space between people, a space that will never be fully known or understood by us.

Incongruent living is exhausting.

If we want to live and love with our whole hearts, and if we want to engage with the world from a place of worthiness, we have to talk about the things that get in the way—especially shame, fear, and vulnerability.

What I’m proposing is that we learn how to wade through it. We need to see that standing on the shore and catastrophisizing about what could happen if we talked honestly about our fears is actually more painful than grabbing the hand of a trusted companion and crossing the swamp.

“How-to” is a seductive shortcut,

science—why are we struggling like never before? Because we don’t talk about the things that get in the way of doing what we know is best for us, our children, our families, our organizations, and our communities.

Shame is about who we are, and guilt is about our behaviors.

Not only do we need to own our story and love ourselves in the process, we have to figure out the real story!

We also have to learn how we protect ourselves from shame if we want to develop worthiness.

If we want to live fully, without the constant fear of not being enough, we have to own our story.

authenticity is not something we have or don’t have. It’s a practice—a conscious choice of how we want to live.

Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.

Most of us have shame triggers around being perceived as self-indulgent or self-focused. -to be perceived as selfish or narcissistic.

Cruelty is cheap, easy, and rampant. It’s also chicken-shit.

refers to all of the opportunities we miss because we’re too afraid to put anything out in the world that could be imperfect.

It is in the process of embracing our imperfections that we find our truest gifts: courage, compassion, and connection.

“There is a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.” So many of us run around spackling all of the cracks, trying to make everything look just right. This line helps me remember the beauty of the cracks (and the messy house and the imperfect manuscript and the too-tight jeans). It reminds me that our imperfections are not inadequacies; they are reminders that we’re all in this together. Imperfectly, but together.

Spirituality is recognizing and celebrating that we are all inextricably connected to each other by a power greater than all of us, and that our connection to that power and to one another is grounded in love and compassion. Practicing spirituality brings a sense of perspective, meaning, and purpose to our lives.

Tolerance for disappointment, determination, and a belief in self are the heart of hope.

The question is, does our _______________ (eating, drinking, spending, gambling, saving the world, incessant gossiping, perfectionism, sixty-hour workweek) get in the way of our authenticity? Does it stop us from being emotionally honest and setting boundaries and feeling like we’re enough? Does it keep us from staying out of judgment and from feeling connected? Are we using _____________ to hide or escape from the reality of our lives?

The only experience that seems broad and fierce enough to combat a list like that is the belief that we’re all in this together and that something greater than us has the capacity to bring love and compassion into our lives.

AEIOUY.

It seems that gratitude without practice may be a little like faith without works—it’s not alive.

Ironically, since doing this research, surveying has become a red flag for me—it tells me that I’m feeling vulnerable about making a decision.

“When things are going really well in our family, what does it look like?”

The things we were working toward did nothing in terms of making our life fuller.

Increasing my daily intake of calm and stillness along with walking and swimming and cutting caffeine has done wonders for my life.

Squandering our gifts brings distress to our lives. As it turns out, it’s not merely benign or “too bad” if we don’t use the gifts that we’ve been given; we pay for it with our emotional and physical well-being. When we don’t use our talents to cultivate meaningful work, we struggle. We feel disconnected and weighed down by feelings of emptiness, frustration, resentment, shame, disappointment, fear, and even grief.

Sharing our gifts and talents with the world is the most powerful source of connection with God.

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

In his book Outliers, Gladwell proposes that there are three criteria for meaningful work—complexity, autonomy, and a relationship between effort and reward—and

Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you’ve never been hurt and live like it’s heaven on Earth. — MARK TWAIN

When we consistently betray ourselves, we can expect to do the same to the people we love.

When we don’t give ourselves permission to be free, we rarely tolerate that freedom in others.

Choosing to live and love with our whole hearts is an act of defiance.

A woman I know says, for her morning prayer, “Whatever,” and then for the evening, “Oh, well,”

My Christmas Gift

I got a Kindle for Christmas!

I was somewhat worried about how I would like it-how I would respond to reading on it because I perceived it to be very different than holding a book in your hand. I love writing notes to myself and highlighting in my books. I knew I would miss this with the Kindle and so imagine how excited I was when I learned my new Kindle allows me to both highlight and make notes!

I have read The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene' Brown and Traveling Mercies by Anne Lamott since getting my Kindle on Christmas day. I have also purchased SOAR the Thin book of Strategy that I plan on reading tomorrow.

The two books are pretty inspirational regarding being relational in one's life. There were connections between the two books.

I'm trying to get as much "fun" reading in as I can before I buckle down in January to work on the dissertation proposal.

Merry Christmas

The Long Road

It is hard to believe it is already December. Next semester (starting January 2011) I will begin my dissertation proposal. The weight of doing the article on sense of belonging and working on the proposal is just now beginning is just now beginning to sink in! :)

I envy my friends such as Karen, Kristy, and Jake who are zooming through their proposal and will be defending by the end of January. A huge congratulations to them because they have worked so hard!

Another round of congratulations go to Jolyn who is going to defend her dissertation in July! WOW! It won't be long and she'll officially be Dr.! A well-deserved title for sure!

I'm not going to California in January. This is the first time not to attend the January intensives since I began my program in 2007. I am both excited to be far enough into the program that I do not have to attend and sad that I'll miss connecting with old friends.

I'm excited about the sense of belonging article as it begins taking qualitative shape! I'm so ready to start interviewing and learning the story of potential participants! I can just imagine how exciting their stories are going to be! I can't wait to begin coding and finding the themes! This is exactly what this article needed to breath life into it and I'm loving it. I'm especially enjoying finding my place in the qualitative world-I've been reading Developing Grounded Theory as well as re-reading the grounded theory section of Research Design: Quantitative, Qualitative and Mixed Methods Approaches.

Onward I go!

Weekend Work

It has been a working weekend. I am moving from using a quantitative, multiple hiearchical regression method of analysis to a case study, qualitative method of research on the sense of belonging article. I updated the references of the model after finding the book Reworking the Student Departure Puzzle edited by Braxton. The book is useful and provided a good model I noted yesterday by Tierney.

I have new energy for getting this article ready for review by Alex. I anticipate working on the proposal and maybe the literature review this week and holiday then want to send it to Alex by Monday. Once I conduct the interviews/research and analyze the data I will likely update the literature a bit more and hopefully be close to publishing! I hope, I hope!

A Less Well-Known Model of Student Retention

Tierney, W. G. (2000). Reworking the student departure puzzle. J. M. Braxton (Ed.). Nashville: Vanderbilt University Press.

Tierney, W. G. (1999). Models of minority college-going and retention: Cultural integrity versus cultural suicide. Journal of Negro Education. 68(1), 80-91.

I read these two articles today as I searched for a model of student departure that felt right for my sense of belonging article. I find the model that Tierney provides to be captivating and offering a special way to think about student departure. The Tinto model of student departure holds a place of dominance in the departure literature. Tierney deconstructs Tinto’s model by introducing the constructs of power, identity, cultural capital, and cultural identity.

One thing that Tierney points out is the foundational concept Tinto built his model upon which is Durkheim’s (1951) model of suicide. Holding this line of thinking, a student who drops out (commits suicide) is an individual making an individual decision without the involvement of a community or culture. As a matter of fact, dropping out of (committing suicide) is a lack of connection with a group or community-an absence of community.

According to Tinto’s model, entering college is a ritual or rite, making a transition point into a new culture. The individual is responsible and the center of the passage. However this contrasts to the true concept of rite of passage by Van Gennep (1???). Whereas the Van Gennep model utilizes rituals within cultures not between cultures. For example Apache children do not go through Eurocentric rituals but rather would go through Apache rituals.

Tierney proposes that the institution develop ways in which an individuals’ identity is affirmed and positively impacts the organization rather than having to accept the organization as is and students of color so they do not have to ”commit suicide” to kill their old identities in order to be assimilated into the main culture.

One aspect of the model Tierney proposes is to hold high expectations for students and convey to them these expectations. Further, a strengths-based philosophy would serve the model well as Tierney indicates that it is important to have a climate where the message is that individuals are valuable resources themselves and bring to the institutions gifts and talents.

Relationships with parents and families are fundamental for this model. The model proposes that if we want to improve the student’s academic engagement and success, a focus should be placed on the student’s identity and background.

These articles provide an interesting model for studying sense of belonging. The concept of biculturalism or dual socialization help explain how a sense of belonging may impact retention.

Article from the Chronicle of Higher Education

November 17, 2010
Getting a Start in Student Affairs

Brian Taylor for The ChronicleEnlarge Image



Brian Taylor for The Chronicle
By George S. McClellan
A year or two ago, I would have called the job market in student affairs robust. Positions in the field were readily available to interested and qualified candidates. But the same economic pressures that have hit the faculty market have dampened opportunities in student services as well.

Until the recession began, academe saw both steady growth in the number of positions in the field and significant attrition among newcomers. Now, however, newcomers who entered our field and learned it wasn't for them are hanging on to their jobs "until something better comes along" because they see few options elsewhere. Despite growing enrollments and increasing demands for student services, the number of positions in student affairs seems fairly flat, and movement within the profession, relatively stagnant.

In short, the job market is tight, and likely to stay that way for the next few years.
In the past, if you came to student affairs through the traditional route of a graduate degree in the field, you didn't have to worry much about the cost of graduate school; entry-level jobs were readily available in student affairs, particularly in the areas of residential life or student activities. You just had to make sure you spread out your practicum experiences so that you could try out a variety of specialties and find your niche.

But with those entry-level positions no longer readily available, if you are still interested in a position in student affairs, here is what I would suggest.

At many institutions, a master's degree—preferably in higher education, student affairs, or a related field—continues to be the minimum required credential for entry-level positions. But the potential is all too real for graduating from a master's program with a degree, debt, and no immediate job prospects.

Nonetheless, if pursuing that traditional pathway makes the most sense to you, be prepared to be flexible in your job search. You might be interested in positions in leadership, service learning, or honors education, but your search may need to be extended to include student activities and academic support. You may have to be similarly flexible about location, given state and regional variations in economic condition. You may find that a part-time position—or more than one—becomes the path of entry into student affairs.

While you're in a graduate program, consider whether it would be wiser to seek diverse experiences in a variety of offices than to specialize in a particular area. The pool of candidates for entry-level positions is likelier than ever to include people with previous professional experience, and it may help your chances to have a varied background rather than a narrow one.

Graduate school is not the only launching pad into student affairs. Alternative pathways are accessible to those coming straight from a bachelor's degree or wishing to enter student affairs from another career track. While many institutions require candidates to have a master's, others (including many community colleges, small colleges, and rural colleges) do not. Taking a job at one of them will give you valuable experience—and you may find that you like it there. It may also be the kind of position that provides support for you to pursue graduate study.
Postbaccalaureate certificate programs are a small but growing phenomenon in student affairs. Formal education in the areas of budget and finance, theory, and law are important in the performance of student-affairs functions.

Certificate programs can provide that training short of a master's. If you scan job announcements online, you won't see many that specifically require applicants to have certain certificates. However, just as more-focused practical experiences or work as a volunteer might help distinguish one candidate from another, having completed a certificate program may make you more attractive to potential employers.

Whatever your pathway into student affairs, it is more important than ever to be familiar with the financial circumstances of the colleges and universities to which you are applying. Knowing which states or private institutions are experiencing budget problems can be important in avoiding exposure to furloughs or staff reductions while you are a relatively vulnerable new professional. And knowing which states or private institutions have stable, or even robust, budgets can be important in knowing where to find openings.

If your search for an entry-level position goes on at length without success, you may need to find work elsewhere to pay the bills. For those taking on temporary employment outside the field, there are a few things you need to do. First, stay in touch with the profession by maintaining your network of professional contacts. They can help you learn about new job openings.

Second, maintain membership in at least one student-affairs professional association. As a consequence of the recession, a number of associations in our field now offer discounted membership rates to unemployed student-affairs professionals or to those just out of graduate school but not yet working.

Third, keep up on with what's happening in academe and in our field through publications like this one, journals, and other publications. Staying mentally engaged in the field will be helpful when it comes time to interview.

Finally, consider volunteering with a local college's student-affairs division. Any added experience you can demonstrate to employers, even if it's volunteer work, can improve your prospects on the job market.

George S. McClellan is vice chancellor for student affairs at Indiana University-Purdue University at Fort Wayne. He will write regularly for "The Chronicle" about career issues in student affairs. If you have suggestions for topics you would like to see covered in this area, send your ideas to careers@chronicle.com

Bouncing Back from Setbacks-Good Article

How to Bounce Back From Setbacks

BY: REKHA BALU March 31, 2001 From Issue 45 | March 2001; Fast Company

The road to success is rarely a straight line.

Mike Espy is no stranger to success -- even when it has meant overcoming long odds. As a teenager in rural Mississippi, he was one of two student-body presidents of the first racially integrated class in his high school. He served for six years in Congress -- the state's first black member since Reconstruction. Under Bill Clinton, he was named U.S. Secretary of Agriculture, becoming both a Washington celebrity and a committed government reformer.

And then disaster struck. In 1994, reports surfaced that Espy, now 47, had flown on corporate jets owned by companies that his department regulated and had accepted gifts, such as tickets to sports events, from those companies. Next came word that Espy's then girlfriend had accepted a scholarship from Tyson Foods, another company that the Agriculture Department regulated. These disclosures did more than raise eyebrows. They prompted the White House -- and an independent counsel -- to question Espy's ability to do his job.

Espy resigned from the Clinton cabinet humbled and depressed. He figured that the independent counsel's investigation would last six months -- tops. "I wanted to move on with my life," he says. In the end, the investigation lasted four years, produced a 39-count indictment, and generated the sort of public scrutiny and private humiliation that only a Washington scandal can create. And it forced Mike Espy to confront a question that would determine the trajectory of the rest of his professional life: How do I bounce back from this devastating setback?

The road to long-term success is seldom a straight line, for companies or for individual leaders. New products get launched with great fanfare -- and then disappear from sight. Companies make big bets on a strategy -- only to discover that the playing field has shifted once again. All-too-human executives use poor judgment or permit just one ethical lapse -- and find their reputations tarnished forever. There is no success without the occasional failure. Yet the mythology we've created about business rarely allows us to recognize that obvious fact. Successful leaders, we've come to believe, never make a bad call. They never reach a dumb decision. They never, under pressure, choose to do something that they later regret.

"In America, failure is considered a disruption in progress," says Scott A. Sandage, a history professor at Carnegie Mellon University who teaches a course on success and failure. "Even as the understanding of economic challenges increases, there's an intensification of shame around failure."

Andrew Shatté, 38, vice president of research and product development at Adaptiv Learning Systems -- a firm that teaches executives how to be more resilient -- agrees: "It's easy to become flustered by setbacks, because most of us believe that our companies and careers should keep advancing. Successful people learn how to gain control of situations that are out of their control, retool themselves, and rebound quickly from disaster."

Here are in-depth profiles of people and companies that have managed to bounce back from setbacks. Warning: The experiences are not pretty, the emotions are deep, and the victories are sometimes less than decisive. But these stories are candid and authentic, the lessons powerful and useful. So read on, be grateful that you've probably never faced setbacks quite this severe -- and consider yourself better prepared to face whatever difficult circumstances you might encounter in the future.

Mike Espy: The (Long) Road Back

One of Mike Espy's trademarks is that he writes a note to himself every day to set out his goals. Once he resigned from his U.S. Cabinet post, his goals were no longer set for him. He suddenly had to determine his own future, and his list making became more extensive. He was shocked by the vitriol in Washington and by his own poor judgment. "I considered myself legally and ethically innocent," he declares as he sits in his Jackson, Mississippi law office. "I didn't give favors to any companies. I focused on policy, not on politics. And I thought the administration would support me. But I took too much for granted. My judgment was faulty in many ways."

Facing the folks back home was nerve-racking. Espy still winces a little as he recalls a homecoming game at his daughter's high school. At the time, she was a sophomore and a member of the homecoming court. He dreaded having to escort her across the school's football field so that she could join her court. "I wanted to take myself off the radar screen," says Espy. But while lying low was a strategy for short-term survival, it wasn't a strategy for change. "I had no job or income prospects," he says. "I couldn't be a lobbyist. I couldn't be an attorney. I was disgraced. It was the worst year of my life." The daily notes to himself became a list of obligations: how to pay the mortgage, how to provide child support.Meanwhile, as weeks turned into months, Espy realized that the road back would be much longer than he'd ever imagined. "I didn't have control of the process surrounding me, so I had to take control of my life," he says. He found a mentor in Tony Coelho, the onetime congressional leader who'd had his share of setbacks. Coelho met with Espy in the winter of 1995 for what would be a memorable lunch. Coelho drew a pie chart and divided it into six slices. "You start with a vision of what you will look like when you're at your ultimate state, and you fill in the pieces with what it will take to get you there," Espy recalls Coelho saying. One half of Espy's pie represented different aspects of himself that he had to rehabilitate. First slice: finances. Coelho suggested scheduling enough speaking engagements to bring in a good income. Second slice: mental outlook. To take Espy's mind off his troubles, Coelho suggested that he teach at a local college. Third slice: reputation. Getting involved in a well-known charity would improve Espy's image and his esteem. He joined Feed the Children as a consultant (he became a board member in 1999) and worked with the antihunger organization's international offices to use donations more efficiently.

Espy tried to resurface in the public eye, but he discovered that he couldn't. He scouted for legal jobs in Washington, DC but received no offers. He returned to Jackson and took a job at a 20-person law firm. There was no pomp, no army of staff. "I kept my door shut a lot, my head down, and my focus on myself," he recalls. "But I had to generate income for the firm. They wouldn't let me wallow in self-pity." Then, in 1997, he was officially indicted.

Espy's reaction was to get tougher -- and to be tougher on himself, rather than blaming others. When he learned that Independent Counsel Donald Smaltz did 100 push-ups a day, he worked toward doing 200 a day. He also perfected his tae kwon do technique (he has a black belt). After learning that the independent counsel had given everyone on his staff a watch with Espy's name engraved on it as a holiday gift, Espy decided to take the high road, instead of firing back. He struggled with his attitude so he wouldn't sound bitter. And in his public statements, he was careful not to blame his predicament on race or politics alone.

Espy also decided to take the long road to vindication, rather than the easy road to a quick settlement. He refused three plea offers. "I could have gotten out early on a misdemeanor charge and run up only $100,000 in legal bills," he says with his arms folded, eyes cast down. "But how do you put a price on your good name?" In 1998, after testimony from a parade of witnesses -- including fellow cabinet officers, former friends, and an artist who gave Espy a painting for his office -- Espy was exonerated. Nine counts were dismissed, and a jury acquitted Espy of the remaining 30 counts. A Washington Post article detailing the road to his acquittal is framed on a wall at his law firm. Tucked inside the frame is one of the watches with Espy's name on it that Smaltz gave to his staff.

But the acquittal didn't allow Espy simply to return to the career path he'd been on before the scandal. Bouncing back from a setback often means taking a different road. Although Mississippi residents said in a poll that they'd welcome him as lieutenant governor, Espy is more than a little gun-shy about returning to public life. He's now with Mississippi's largest law firm, working hard to perfect his litigation techniques. He may never return to a career in politics, but he has escaped from the scandal that threatened to destroy him. "It's not about the test," he says. "It's about how you pass the test."

Good Reminder

Alex reminded me today: It isn't a race to the finish and if it is a race, it's a marathon, not a spring. And if it's a marathon we each run the race for our own reason, not necessarily to be first!

I needed to hear that!

Augustana's Boston

Love this!

In the light of the sun, is there anyone? Oh it has begun...
Oh dear you look so lost, eyes are red and tears are shed,
This world you must've crossed... you said...

You don't know me, you don't even care, oh yeah,
She said
You don't know me, and you don't wear my chains... oh yeah,

Essential yet appealed, carry all your thoughts across
An open field,
When flowers gaze at you... they're not the only ones who cry
When they see you
You said...

You don't know me, you don't even care, oh yeah,
She said
You don't know me, and you don't wear my chains... oh yeah,

She said I think I'll go to Boston...
I think I'll start a new life,
I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name,
I'll get out of California, I'm tired of the weather,
I think I'll get a lover and fly him out to Spain...
I think I'll go to Boston,
I think that I'm just tired
I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind...
I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset,
I hear it's nice in the Summer, some snow would be nice... oh yeah,

Boston... where no one knows my name... yeah
Where no one knows my name...
Where no one knows my name...
Yeah Boston...
Where no one knows my name.

Labor Day Weekend

Getting some rest this weekend! I was SO TIRED this week, I was dragging for sure.

I am beginning to do my reading to prepare for the comprehensive final in October. I have one comprehensive exam in October and one in April ('11). These comps are standing in the way of working on my dissertation. It is frustrating! I want to get to the dissertation and right now I feel like I'm spinning my wheels.

I'm ready to choose my 3rd committee person, ready to do my pre-proposal and ready to get into the literature to write my literature review. If I didn't have the comps as a barrier, I would be elbow deep in articles right now!

There aren't enough peanut butter M&Ms to get me through the stress!

It's Move-In Time!

The weekend is barreling down upon me! Saturday at 8:00 a.m. we throw open the doors and welcome the residential students to their new homes.

It's such an exciting time!!! What a gift to be a part of this time of this students' lives. This week has been Residential Leader training--what an AMAZING group of wonderful leaders. Wow the RL "Class" of 2010-2011 absolutely rocks!

Distracted Weekend!

This month is whirling by so quickly. In some ways I want time to slow down and let me capture it but in other ways I want to hurry up and get August over with. There are so many things going on at work during this time of year that I feel like I'm jumping from minute to minute. With work related to my doctorate I need to slow down time!

Weekend after weekend slips by and I'm not getting my stuff done like I want/need to get done. I feel that part of me is apprehensive to begin, to jump in with both feet. It is almost like I'm worried I'll be too overwhelmed with all the information that I'll drown and not be able to find my way out.

It scares me to think about waiting until April 11 to really roll up my sleeves and get things done. I feel like I'll be spinning my wheels until then. I feel that I can't really get serious about my dissertation and proposal until after I get comps out of the way. Part of me has even thought about dropping the PhD and going for an EdD so I can get started. The "Activator" in me is ready to get busy. But is that the right thing to do?

So, should I "stay the course" of the PhD which means likely having to wait on the comps in October (2010) and April (2011) and then doing my proposal/dissertation OR should I check on dropping the PhD and going the EdD route which may mean going straight to the dissertation?

Thoughts?

Weekend Update

This weekend I’ve spent most of my time reading and finding articles on a strengths-based philosophy and team effectiveness. I read a couple of dissertation literature reviews on strengths (one was Louis, 2008 ( so very thankful she was THOROUGH)) and have a long list of books I need to get from the library as well as making a rather substantial order from Amazon. I anticipate spending time writing about the strengths-based philosophy definition and the two schools of thought then go into the StrengthsFinder tool itself. It seems there is a good bit of information in the technical report itself so I need to get that document as well.

Team effectiveness looms a bit larger for me. I am really starting as a blank slate on this topic so I’ve been looking at both some dissertation literature reviews and then beginning to get articles that seem to appear over and over in the reviews. My worry though is that I’ll miss some huge work that is out there. But I guess the worst thing that can happen is that I miss it, I find out I’ve missed it and then I go back and get it. Problem solved! I have found a good number of articles to get me started this week and we’ll see where I land by week’s end. So far I have a definition of team and work group and am beginning to work on effectiveness. Although I have about 16 articles waiting on me as I avoid them now by working on this blog entry!

The area I haven’t tackled yet is trust. I have a stack of articles that is waiting on me but I’m thinking I’ll just really cover one construct at a time.

Heading Towards Dissertation

I have now finished all of my coursework!!

Laying ahead are: 2 comprehensive exams (one in October and one in April) unless I can get exempted from the comps due to being published (hopefully I can work on the article I began last Fall) and the dissertation.

Luckily the dissertation is broken into pieces: the proposal (Chapters 1-3) then data gathering and the remaining chapters.

What a whirlwind this has been. It seems that just such a short time ago I was wondering what it was going to be like to be in a doctoral program and the big question: what the writing was going to be like.

Now here I am three years later completing coursework-done with the program and just needing to take care of some details! I'm going to miss coming out to California and being immersed in learning and discourse. I'm going to miss the cohort members and the fun we have. It feels odd as we all go our separate ways-promising to keep in touch and to encourage each other along the solitary path of dissertation.

As I turn towards dissertation I had a great conversation with both Alex and Eileen this week. As I worked through the "aim" of my dissertation some things came into focus regarding what I really am wanting to know and what my study should be.

Alex gave me the advice that I should be able to summarize my dissertation in one sentence. When I left his office I couldn't do that but I feel like I've been working on refining things and am better at it now.

I'm going to call Alex this coming week to begin working through my thoughts and hopefully I'll be able to begin searching for resources for my lit review. Before I can identify my problem statement and purpose of the study I need some more literature for sure.

I will continue to write my ruminations about the Ph.D. journey on this blog as I now begin the path to dissertation.

Great Quote

Something to think about:

Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow." Mary Anne Radmacher

Another Great Leadership Post by Wally

Responsibility and Leadership

http://blog.threestarleadership.com/2010/07/02/responsibility-and-leadership.aspx


On June 6, 1944, 156,000 American, British, and Canadian troops landed in Normandy to establish a foothold in France and begin the drive to Berlin and victory in Europe in World War II. It's easy to remember the victory and to praise the leaders and stand in awe of their competence and confidence.


But there were plenty of uncertainties at the time. Nothing this large or complex had ever been attempted. The great mass of US troops were still untested in battle.
The excellent German army was just across the Channel in well-prepared fortifications. They were led by one of Germany's legendary military leaders, Field Marshal Erwin Rommel.
Even the weather was a factor. Eisenhower had already postponed the invasion because of some of the worst storms in memory. When he gave the order to launch the operation on June 6, he had only the most rudimentary weather information to go on.


Since we know how things came out, it's easy to underestimate the uncertainty. But, for Ike there were huge gaps in information, complex operations that could break down, and a determined foe whose actions would influence the outcome of the day.


He faced the very real possibility that the invasion would fail and that thousands of Allied men would die without achieving victory. As he thought about that, he wrote out the message he would release if things went badly. Here it is.


"Our landings in the Cherbourg-Havre area have failed to gain a satisfactory foothold and I have withdrawn the troops.
My decision to attack at this time and place was based upon the best information available. The troops, the air and the Navy did all that bravery and devotion to duty could do. If any blame or fault attaches to the attempt, it is mine alone."


That kind of willingness to take responsibility is rare today. Today our leaders often deny any part in decisions that turned out wrong. They practice the art of spin.


How about if, just for the Fourth of July, we talk less about leadership and think more about responsibility?


Boss's Bottom Line
No one wants to work with a coward or a liar. Be assured that your people will know if you act like either one. Great leaders give praise and take responsibility.

Another Presentation Submitted

I've submitted a program proposal to a conference!

I'm hoping it will get accepted!!! I would be presenting a fun program on courage and followership!

Please, please let me get accepted. It sure would make things go more smoothly and timely!

Calling and Timing

I was just revisiting a passage in Courage & Calling by Gordon T. Smith (1999) and found this paragraph:

Once again I must stress: vocation and career are not the same. They may coincide, but for many people that will not be the case. At each phase of our life we need to ask the question: Who am I and what fundamentally, am I called to be and do? What is my purpose, my reason for being? And then we must ask what we are being called to do now, in the immediate: What is the current duty, responsibility or job that God is placing before me? How can I fulfill this current responsibility in light of who I am? The current responsibility or job may seem quite mundane—caring for children, getting a job to pay the rent or studying. But it is God’s call for the moment, for the time being. And we accept this as from the hand of God and see it in light of the complete picture of who we are and who we are called to be.

What a great passage. This really puts things in perspective anytime a person feels that their work is not “what they want” or what they “are supposed to be doing right now.” Everything happens for a reason and this is such a great reminder that God has a plan.

New Blog-Insightful

I found this blog today and thought it was insightful. I'll visit it again for sure.

http://blog.threestarleadership.com/


Here is one entry from Wally's blog:

One thing that's becoming clear is that there were more problems with the Deepwater Horizon than just mastering the technology of drilling in ultra-deep water. Sunday, the NY Times ran an excellent story headlined: "In Gulf, It Was Unclear Who Was in Charge of Oil Rig."
Deep in the story, you'll find this. It's a quote from Tad W. Patzek. He's chairman of the Petroleum and Geosystems Engineering Department at the University of Texas.
"It’s a very complex operation in which the human element has not been aligned with the complexity of the system."


The technology was complex, all right. But the project management was complicated, but straightforward.


There's a difference between "complex" and "complicated." It's the difference between raising a child (complex) and building an office building (complicated).


When something is complicated you start with the idea that anything can go wrong. You set up tracking, communication, and decision systems to deal with that when it happens. Then you put someone in charge and give them the power to enforce the rules.


The big problems on Deepwater Horizon didn't happen because the technology challenge was new and complex. They happened because the project was poorly run, with no clear chain of authority. Here's an exchange from the Times article.


Curt R. Kuchta, the rig’s captain, responding to an investigator's question of who was in charge: "It’s pretty well understood amongst the crew who’s in charge."


Coast Guard investigator: "How do they know that?"


Captain Kuchta: "I guess, I don’t know, but it's pretty well - everyone knows."


So no one was in charge. And when that happens any manager can assume that someone else is responsible and paying attention. Things might have been different if there was someone in charge.


Maybe the person in charge would have noticed as exception piled upon exception. Maybe the person in charge would have said, "I don't care if the feds don't require a response plan for a blowout, we need to have one." Maybe the person in charge would have said "We're not going any farther until we have a containment dome on site." Or maybe the person in charge would have drawn the line when BP (no person is named) violated some of its own standards.


But there wasn't anyone in charge. Instead BP and the regulatory agencies and Halliburton and Transocean exchanged emails.

Instead eleven crew from the rig are dead. Instead the apocryphal oil slick is spreading more and more every day.

Zen Habits Posts Written by Leo Babauta

The No. 1 Habit of Highly Creative People

Isolate and create.

“In order to be open to creativity, one must have the capacity for contructive use of solitude. One must overcome the fear of being alone.”~Rollo May

Post written by Leo Babauta. Follow me on twitter or identica.

Creativity is a nebulous, murky topic that fascinates me endlessly — how does it work? What habits to creative people do that makes them so successful at creativity?

I’ve reflected on my own creative habits, but decided I’d look at the habits that others consider important to their creativity. I picked a handful of creatives, almost at random — there are so many that picking the best would be impossible, so I just picked some that I admire, who came to mind when I thought of the word “creative”.

This was going to be a list of their creative habits … but in reviewing their lists, and my own habits, I found one that stood out. And it stands out if you review the habits and quotes from great creative people in history.

It’s the Most Important Habit when it comes to creativity.

After you read the No. 1 habit, please scroll down and read the No. 2 habit — they might seem contradictory but in my experience, you can’t really hit your creative stride until you find a way to balance both habits.

The No. 1 Creativity Habit

In a word: solitude.

Creativity flourishes in solitude. With quiet, you can hear your thoughts, you can reach deep within yourself, you can focus.

Of course, there are lots of ways to find this solitude. Let’s listen to a few of the creative people I talked to or researched:

Felicia Day – wonderful actress perhaps best known for her awesome awesome work on Dr. Horrible’s Sing-along Blog, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and The Guild.

I was thrilled when she replied to my email asking about her creative habits. One of the things she said: she makes “sure to be creative first thing in the morning, before doing anything for the outside world, really sets the day up for me. It makes it feel that CREATING is my job, not answering emails.”

Ali Edwards – an author, designer, and leading authority on scrapbooking.

I was honored with a response from Ali as well. One of her top habits wasn’t exactly solitude, but is related: “Do nothing. I have a habit of welcoming time away from my creative work. For me this is serious life-recharging time where my only responsibility is to just be Mom & Wife & Me. Doing nothing has a way of synthesizing what is really important in my life and in my work and inspires me beyond measure. When I come back to work I am better equipped to weed out the non-essential stuff and focus on the things I most want to express creatively.”

Chase Jarvis – an award-winning photographer.

Chase also kindly responded with several of his key creativity habits — see more great ones at the bottom of this post. But here’s one that I loved: “Find Quiet. Creativity sometimes washes over me during times of intense focus and craziness of work, but more often I get whacked by the creative stick when I’ve got time in my schedule. And since my schedule is a crazy one and almost always fills up if I’m just “living”, I tend to carve out little retreats for myself. I get some good thinking and re-charge time during vacations, or on airplanes, but the retreats are more focused on thinking about creative problems that I’m wanting to solve. That’s why I intentionally carve time out. I make room for creativity. Intentionally. The best example of what I mean by a retreat is a weekend at my family’s cabin. It’s a 90 minute drive from my house on the coast. There are few distractions. Just a rocky beach and a cabin from the 60’s with wood paneling and shag carpet. I go for walks, hikes, naps. I read. I did get an internet signal put in there to stay connected if I need it. But the gist is QUIET. Let there be space for creativity to fill your brain.”

Maciej Cegłowski – painter, programmer, excellent writer.

Maciej is one of my favorite bloggers, and responded to my email with a classically short answer that to me, embodies a beautiful way to find solitude.

What habit helps his creativity?

Maciej replied: “Running up hills!”

Leo Babauta: OK, I wasn’t going to talk about myself in this post, but I thought I should share some of my previous thoughts.

The best art is created in solitude, for good reason: it’s only when we are alone that we can reach into ourselves and find truth, beauty, soul. Some of the most famous philosophers took daily walks, and it was on these walks that they found their deepest thoughts.

My best writing, and in fact the best of anything I’ve done, was created in solitude.

Just a few of the benefits I’ve found from solitude:

• time for thought
• in being alone, we get to know ourselves
• we face our demons, and deal with them
• space to create
• space to unwind, and find peace
• time to reflect on what we’ve done, and learn from it
• isolation from the influences of other helps us to find our own voice
• quiet helps us to appreciate the smaller things that get lost in the roar

Read more: the lost art of solitude.

The Greats on Solitude

Of course, many other creative people have believed in the habit of solitude. I’ve collected a small but influential sample here. There are many more examples.

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart – prolific and influential composer of the Classical era. He composed over 600 works, many acknowledged as pinnacles of symphonic, concertante, chamber, piano, operatic, and choral music. He is among the most enduringly popular of classical composers.

Mozart: “When I am, as it were, completely myself, entirely alone, and of good cheer–say, traveling in a carriage or walking after a good meal or during the night when I cannot sleep–it is on such occasions that my ideas flow best and most abundantly.”

Albert Einstein – theoretical physicist, philosopher and author who is widely regarded as one of the most influential and best known scientists and intellectuals of all time. He is often regarded as the father of modern physics.

Einstein: “On the other hand, although I have a regular work schedule, I take time to go for long walks on the beach so that I can listen to what is going on inside my head. If my work isn’t going well, I lie down in the middle of a workday and gaze at the ceiling while I listen and visualize what goes on in my imagination.”

Franz Kafka – one of the most influential writers of the 20th century. Novelist and writer of short stories whose works came to be regarded as one of the major achievements of 20th century literature.

Kafka: “You need not leave your room. Remain sitting at your table and listen. You need not even listen, simply wait, just learn to become quiet, and still, and solitary. The world will freely offer itself to you to be unmasked. It has no choice; it will roll in ecstasy at your feet.”

Nikola Tesla – inventor, one of the most important contributors to the birth of commercial electricity, best known for his many revolutionary developments in the field of electromagnetism.

Tesla: “The mind is sharper and keener in seclusion and uninterrupted solitude. Originality thrives in seclusion free of outside influences beating upon us to cripple the creative mind. Be alone—that is the secret of invention: be alone, that is when ideas are born.”

Joseph Haydn: A life-long resident of Austria, Haydn spent much of his career as a court musician for the wealthy Hungarian aristocratic Esterházy family on their remote estate. Isolated from other composers and trends in music until the later part of his long life, he was, as he put it, “forced to become original”

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe – German writer and polymath. Goethe’s works span the fields of poetry, drama, literature, theology, philosophy, and science.

His magnum opus, lauded as one of the peaks of world literature, is the two-part drama Faust.

Goethe: “One can be instructed in society, one is inspired only in solitude.”

Pablo Picasso – Spanish painter best known for co-founding the Cubist movement and for the wide variety of styles embodied in his work. His revolutionary artistic accomplishments brought him universal renown and immense fortunes throughout his life, making him one of the best-known figures in twentieth century art.

Picasso: “Without great solitude no serious work is possible.”

Carl Sandburg – American writer and editor, best known for his poetry.

He won three Pulitzer Prizes, two for his poetry and another for a biography of Abraham Lincoln. H. L. Mencken called Carl Sandburg “indubitably an American in every pulse-beat.”

Sandburg: “One of the greatest necessities in America is to discover creative solitude.”

Thomas Mann – German novelist, short story writer, social critic, philanthropist, essayist, and 1929 Nobel Prize laureate, known for his series of highly symbolic and ironic epic novels and novellas, noted for their insight into the psychology of the artist and the intellectual.

Mann: “Solitude gives birth to the original in us, to beauty unfamiliar and perilous — to poetry.”

The No. 2 Creative Habit

While it might seem contradictory, the No. 2 habit when it comes to nurturing creativity: participation. This can come in many forms, but it requires connecting with others, being inspired by others, reading others, collaborating with others.

But how can you have both solitude and participation? They obviously have to come at different times. Finding the balance is key, of course, but it takes a conscious effort: this time is for solitude, and this time is for participation.

Why are they both important? We need inspiration from without, but we need creation from within.

A couple of the people I interviewed had habits that relate to this:

Chase Jarvis: “Devour Popular Culture. Consuming the works of others inspires me. And it’s not just museums and the “establishment”. I devour magazines, books, street art, performances, music, etc. All things that make me think critically (and whimsically) about the world. You get the picture. Inspiration can come from anywhere.”

Ali Edwards: “Participate. My creative spirit is interested in documenting the wonderful everyday details of our lives. To really get to the heart of the matter I need to be fully participating in my life, in the interactions with my kids and husband and family and friends. If I am just going through the motions or wishing away the present moment for “the next thing” I am missing the blessing of right now. My creativity requires the habit of active participation and daily attention to detail.”

Other Creative Habits

There are other habits than those top two, of course, that can nourish creativity. Some other good ones:

Felicia Day: “When I am most productive I am the most ruthless with my schedule. I will literally make a daily checklist with, “one hour gym”, “30 minutes of internet research,” and “drink 3 glasses of water” on it. For some reason being that disciplined creates a sense of control that I wouldn’t have otherwise, as a self-employed person, and I get the most out of the scheduled hours that I have for writing.”

Ali Edwards: “Take notes. I am a really good note-taker. It’s essential for me to write down my ideas when they come to mind…otherwise, poof, they disappear way too quickly as I move on to the next task (diaper changes, wiping noses, tending to the stuff of life). I use my phone, my computer, and a moleskine notebook to jot down thoughts and ideas and then I move them into Things every week or so.”

Chase Jarvis had a few more:

• Live a creative life everyday. I very much believe in doing creative stuff everyday. For one, I take photos and videos almost everyday. Doesn’t matter the camera. I use my iPhone everyday. Just taking photos keeps me in a creative headspace. Hell, I play with my food and draw and doodle.
• Moderate Expectations. Make it a habit not to judge yourself on your creative output. Sometimes your creativity is on fire. Great news. Other times, it’s not. It’s hard sometimes when you make art in a professional commercial capacity because you’re paid to be ‘ON’, but you’ll save yourself a lot of greif if you make it a habit to be cool to your psyche when your creative mojo isn’t firing on all pistons.
• Shake Your Tree. When I’m starting to feel stale, I make a habit of getting into adventures. Break molds. Drive home from work a different way. Stir up my routine. I get active and shake my tree.
• Find fun. Doing what you love inspires you to be more creative. Make time and space for having fun. All work and no play makes Jane a dull girl.
• Lastly, being creative means living a creative life. Expect yourself to have one. Believe you are creative. Know that you are. Make that the most important habit of all.

For more on creativity, read my Little But Useful Guide to Creativity.

“Creativity is essentially a lonely art. An even lonelier struggle. To some a blessing. To others a curse. It is in reality the ability to reach inside yourself and drag forth from your very soul an idea.” ~Lou Dorfsman

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