
I found this great picture here: http://chrisguillebeau.com/3x5/turn-around-and-say-watch-me/
How to Break Out of a Victim Mentality: 7 Powerful Tips
by HENRIK EDBERG.
“If it’s never our fault, we can’t take responsibility for it. If we can’t take responsibility for it, we’ll always be its victim.”
Richard Bach
“Self-pity is easily the most destructive of the nonpharmaceutical narcotics; it is addictive, gives momentary pleasure and separates the victim from reality.”
John W. Gardner
One big problem a lot of people have is that they slip into thinking of themselves as victims that have little or no control over their lives. In this headspace you feel sorry for yourself, the world seems to be against you and you get stuck. Little to no action is taken and you get lost in a funk of sadness and self-pity.
So how can you move out of that mindset? In this article I’d like to share a few things that have helped me.
1. Know the benefits of a victim mentality.There are a few benefits of the victim mentality:
Attention and validation. You can always get good feelings from other people as they are concerned about you and try to help you out. On the other hand, it may not last for that long as people get tired of it.
You don’t have to take risks. When you feel like a victim you tend to not take action and then you don’t have to risk for example rejection or failure.
Don’t have to take the sometimes heavy responsibility. Taking responsibility for you own life can be hard work, you have to make difficult decisions and it is just heavy sometimes. In the short term it can feel like the easier choice to not take personal responsibility.
It makes you feel right. When you feel like the victim and like everyone else – or just someone else – is wrong and you are right then that can lead to pleasurable feelings.
In my experience, by just being aware of the benefits I can derive from victim thinking it becomes easier to say no to that and to choose to take a different path.
It also makes it easier to make rational decisions about what to do. Yes, I know that I can avoid risk and the hard work of taking action by feeling like a victim. But I also know that there are even more positive results if I choose to take the other route, if I make the better choice to take a chance and start moving forward.
2. Be ok with not being the victim. So to break out of that mentality you have to give up the benefits above. You might also experience a sort of emptiness within when you let go of victim thinking. You may have spent hours each week with thinking and talking about how wrong things have gone for you in life. Or how people have wronged you and how you could get some revenge or triumph over them.
Now you have to fill your life with new thinking that may feel uncomfortable because it is not so intimately familiar as the victim thinking your have been engaging in for years.
3. Take responsibility for your life.
Why do people often have self-esteem problems? I’d say that one of the big reasons is that they don’t take responsibility for their lives. Instead someone else is blamed for the bad things that happen and a victim mentality is created and empowered. This damages many vital parts in your life. Stuff like relationships, ambitions and achievements. That hurt will not stop until you wise up and take responsibility for your life. There is really no way around it.
And the difference is really remarkable. Just try it out. You feel so much better about yourself even if you only take personal responsibility for your own life for a day.
This is also a way to stop relying on external validation like praise from other people to feel good about yourself. Instead you start building a stability within and a sort of inner spring that fuels your life with positive emotions no matter what other people say or do around you.
4. Gratitude.When I feel that I am putting myself in victim role I like to ask myself this question: “Does someone have it worse on the planet?” The answer may not result in positive thoughts, but it can sure snap you of a somewhat childish “poor, poor me…” attitude pretty quickly. I understand that I have much to be grateful for in my life.
This question changes my perspective from a narrow, self-centered one into a much wider one. It helps me to lighten up about my situation.
After I have changed my perspective I usually ask another question like:
“What is the hidden opportunity within this situation?”
That is very helpful to keep your focus on how to solve a problem or get something good out a current situation. Rather than asking yourself “why?” over and over and thereby focusing on making yourself feel worse and worse.
5. Forgive. It’s easy to get wrapped up in thinking that forgiveness is just about something you “should do”. But forgiving can in a practical way be extremely beneficial for you. One of the best reasons to forgive can be found in this quote by Catherine Ponder:
“When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.”
As long as you don’t forgive someone you are linked to that person. Your thoughts will return to the person who wronged you and what s/he did over and over again. The emotional link between the two of you is so strong and inflicts much suffering in you and – as a result of your inner turmoil – most often in other people around you too.
When you forgive you do not only release the other person. You set yourself free too from all of that agony.
6. Turn your focus outward and help someone out.
The questions in tip #4 are useful. Another question I use when I get into the victim headspace is simply: “How can I give value right now?” Asking that question and making that shift in what you focus on really helps, even if you may not feel totally like doing it.
So I figure out how I can give someone else value, how I can help someone out.
And thing is that the way you behave and think towards others seems to have a big, big effect on how you behave towards yourself and think about yourself. For example, judge people more and you tend to judge yourself more. Be more kind to other people and help them and you tend to be more kind and helpful to yourself.
A bit counter intuitive perhaps, but that has been my experience. The more you love other people, the more your love yourself.
7. Give yourself a break. Getting out of a victim mentality can be hard. Some days you will slip. That’s ok. Be ok with that.
And be nice to yourself. If you have to be perfect then one little slip is made into a big problem and may cause you to spiral down into a very negative place for many days.
It is more helpful to just give yourself a break and use the tips above to move yourself into a positive and empowered headspace once again.
1. Methodological approach & Writing Style
a. After having read some engaging and excellent books (In Search of Respect, Sheila’s Shop and Sidewalk) I had great hopes for Khmer Women on the Move by Annuska Derks. Unfortunately I have found myself counting pages in order to finish the book, as I did with Unequal Childhoods. The book suggest it will explore the work and life in urban Cambodia. My excitement was further fueled because of Alex’s work in Cambodia. I looked forward to hearing the voice of those who lived through the Khmer Rouge and those who were born after, who are growing into women since the war and terror reign ended-how have their lives been shaped and how are they shaping their lives.
b. I have learned a great bit about life of Cambodian women both in the urban world as well as village life. I’ve learned about the language-which I really appreciate, but I’ve missed the actual VOICE of women. Like the author of Unequal Childhoods, the author Khmer Women on the Move provides less of the voice of the participants, less of the story and more of a summary of issues.
c. I’m disappointed because the potential is so great. One of the very basic things I learned in one of the first classes of my doctoral program was that qualitative data should be RICH & THICK. In Khmer Women on the Move I find the data to be THIN & SPARSE. On page 46 there is a paragraph on gender meanings of power and subservience. The author asks:
How useful are texts like the Chbap Srey that were written centuries ago? Do these texts hold any relevance for present gender ideals or should they be seen as merely an idealized picture of norms and values of a minority elite in a previous time?
I wrote in the margin: what a great place for participant voice. In this example I demonstrate how the majority of this book offers a summary of topics but does not offer participant voice to put some “meat on the bones.” I believe it would have been so intriguing to have three perspectives on this. An elder who is in the stage of Cambodian life where she is taken care of by her children or grandchildren and is able to focus on spiritual matters-what does she think of the relevance of the Chbap Srey?
An unmarried sex worker living in Phnom Penh and finally a married young woman. These three perspectives or voices would have made the question come to life-would have helped me feel like I knew the women.
2. Findings based on data
a. The author does an excellent job of documenting facts and perspectives. To me the book feels like one LONG literature review section. Because of the lack of participant voices, the quotes and references seem to link fact or perspective together rather than supporting a participant voice or assertion.
According to the CDC, like seasonal flu, symptoms of swine flu infections can include:
Duneier makes three statements supporting my previous reframing discussion:
· “These conditions lead to a resocialization of the individual” (p. 185).
· “Every policy has its unintended consequences” (p. 18
· “not simply because the sidewalk was different but because the lens for viewing the sidewalk was different” (p. 192).
Irony
I admit as I entered the final third of the book I struggled to keep going. The density was fairly consuming and Duneier provided so much thought-provoking data that to keep going seemed overwhelming.
I found the discussion on bodily functions interesting. In one passage the author writes:
“Washington fucking Square Park and they can’t put toilet seats right here? They could fix it, but they don’t want to fix it. They want to keep our ass out of there. I can’t go I there and take a dump in there. I can hardly hold my breath to go in that motherfucker. If I had to take a dump right now, I’d go right behind that tree right there. It’s air out there. You go in there, you ain't got no privacy. That thing suppose to have a partition.” p. 185.
How very ironic that Mudrick is so upset about the ability to have privacy in the restroom yet he states if he needed to go, he’d just go behind a tree in the park. This strikes me as profoundly ironic and an excellent example of how Mudrick and his associates function in a world within the world and sometimes the world he functions in has different values, assumptions, and behaviors associated that the greater system may frown upon, yet created.
Article by Zen Habits contributor Jonathan Mead.
The greatest change happens because of people that are deeply passionate, and have a great love for the work they do.
If you want to make a difference in the world, the single most important thing you can do is consciously and deliberately choose to do work that you are passionate about.
No other choice can have a greater impact on the planet, or your life.
"When I began, I knew that if I was to find out what was taking place on the sidewalk, I would have to bridge many haps between myself and the people I hoped to understand. This involved thinking carefully about who they are and who I am. I was uneasy." (p. 20)
I think this is a powerful quote and applicable to many of life's (and faith's) situations!
Yin leans on the quantitative verbiage a good deal and even divorces case study from an assumed qualitative linkage. Yin believes a case study can be a quantitative or mixed methods design and is not strictly qualitative.
Although a good bit of Yin's writing is over my head or would be more useful if discussed in a group, I'm learning a good bit from Yin.
What Are the Potential Single-Case Designs?
Rationale for single-case designs
Critical case in testing a well-formulated theory
Extreme case or unique case
Representative or typical case
Revelatory case
Longititudinal case
Potential Shortcomings:
Case may later turn out not to be the case it was thought to be
Holistic versus embedded case study
o More than one unit of analysis occurs when, within a single case, attention is also given to a subunit or subunits
o A typical problem with the holistic design is that the entire case study may be
o conducted at an unduly abstract level, lacking sufficiently clear measures of data
o A further problem with the holistic design is that the entire nature of the case study may shift, unbeknownst to the researchers, during the course of the study.
o An embedded design can serve as an important device for focusing a case study inquiry
An embedded designs, however, also has its pitfalls. A major one occurs when the case study focuses only on the subunit level and fails to return to the larger unit of analysis
What Are the Potential Multiple-Case Designs?
The evidence from multiple cases is often considered more compelling, and the overall study is therefore regarded as being more robust.
Rationale for multiple-case designs-The simplest multiple-case design would be the selection of two or more cases that are believed to be literal replications, such as a set of cases with exemplary outcomes in relation to some evaluations questions, such as “how and why a particular intervention has been implemented smoothly”
Multiple-Case Studies: Holistic or embedded
The difference between these two variants depends upon the type of phenomenon being studied and your research questions In an embedded design, a study even may call for the conduct of a survey at each case study site.
Criteria for Judging the quality of research designs
Four tests have been commonly used to establish the quality of any empirical social research:
Construct validity: identifying correct operational measures for the concepts being studied;
Internal validity: (for explanatory or causal studies only and not for descriptive or exploratory studies): seeking to establish a causal relationship, whereby certain conditions are believed to lead to other conditions, as distinguished from spurious relationships;
External validity: defining the domain to which a study’s findings can be generalized;
Reliability: demonstrating that the operations of a study—such as the data collection procedures—can be repeated, with the same results
Construct validity-
Three tactics are available to increase construct validity when doing case studies.
The first is the use of multiple sources of evidence in a manner encouraging
convergent lines of inquiry, and this tactic is relavant during data collection.
The second tactic is to establish a chain of evidence, also relevant during data collection.
The third tactic is to have the draft case study report reviewed by key informants.
Internal validity-
Internal validity is mainly a concern for explanatory case studies, when an
investigation is trying to explain how and why event x led to event y.
Tactics: pattern matching, explanation building, addressing rival explainations, and
using logic models.
External Validity-
Case studies (as with experiments) rely on analytic generalization. In analytical generalization, investigator is striving to generalize a particular set of results to some broader theory.
Reliability-
The objective is to be sure that, if a later investigator followed the same procedures as described by an earlier investigator and conducted the same case study all over again.
Document the procedures followed in the earlier case.
The use of a case study protocol to deal with the documentation problem in detail
and the development of a case study database
Chapter 1
The distinctive need for case studies arises out of the desire to understand complex social phenomena.
“How” and “why” questions are explanatory and likely lead to the use of case studies, histories, and experiments as the preferred research methods. This is because such questions deal with operational links needing to be traced over time, rather than mere frequencies or incidence.
Case studies, like experiments, are generalizable to theoretical propositions and not to populations or universes.
A case study is an empirical inquiry that
o Investigates a contemporary phenomenon in depth and with its real-life context, especially when
o The boundaries between phenomenon and context are not clearly evident
The case study inquiry
o Copes with the technically distinctive situation in which there will be many more variables of interest than data points, and as one results
o Relies on multiple sources of evidence, with data needing to converge in a
triangulating fashion, and as another result
o Benefits from the prior development of theoretical propositions to guide data collection and analysis
Chapter 2-Designing Case Studies
Definition of Research Designs
In the most elementary sense, the design is the logical sequence that connects the empirical data to a study’s initial research questions and ultimately to its conclusions
Another way of thinking about a research design is a “blueprint” for your research, dealing with at least four problems: what questions to study, what data are relevant, what data to collect, and how to analyze the results.
Components of Research Design:
1. a study’s questions
2. its propositions, if any
3. its unit(s) of analysis
4. the logic linking the data to the propositions
5. the criteria for interpreting the findings
The Role of Theory in Design Work-For case studies, theory development as part of the design phase is essential, whether the ensuing case study’s purpose is to develop or to test theory.
Analytic generalization, in which a previously developed theory is used as a template with which to compare the empirical results of the case study.